Episode 14

full
Published on:

8th May 2024

Talking Shit

In this episode...

In this episode of "Afraid to Ask," Jamie and his more regular half Dr. Erika explore if women shit, and if so if it’s more or less often then men. They answer a listener question about average poops per day and why bathroom reading is so disgusting and why you should probably just use the pages of the book as toilet paper.

 

Chapters

00:00 - Do Women Shit?

03:20 - How Often Do People Shit?

05:20 - Female Public Peeing Techniques

06:25 - Healthiest Choice At McDonalds

06:45 - A Honey Pot 

09:00 - Burning Man

11:00 - Solutions For Peeing While Traveling 

12:15 - How Often Should You Poop

13:00 - Average Pooping Minutes Per Day By Gender 

13:50 - Exclamation Point 

15:45 - Someone Needs To Go To A Hospital

16:16 - Why Are People In The Bathroom For So Long?

18:50 - Why Bathroom Books Are Disgusting 

19:45 - Why Women Love Baskets 

21:00 - The real lure of National Geographic revealed to Dr. Erika

23:00 - The Sears Catalog 

30:20 - Risks Of Making A Sex Tape 

32:50 - Erika’s Audio Porn 

 

About the Podcast

Comedian Jamie Lissow and his smarter half Dr. Erika answer all kinds of medical, dating, sex, divorce, questions some might be afraid to ask. Listen & subscribe for prescriptions and punchlines.

Mentioned in this episode:

Warning:

This is an uncensored podcast that will include adult language and topics. Viewer discretion is advised.

Transcript
Speaker:

check 1 2 well

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hello there boyfriend how are you this fine day

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I'm really good is it working

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yes excellent let's not talk shit

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I'm afraid to ask but I have a great question

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I don't even know what I was gonna say

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I'm so disturbed right now

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wow let's talk about poop talking about poop yeah okay

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this is from John and Seattle oh

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I've been dating a girl

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I'm going to see how I say that

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I'm going to see how soon though to do some shows

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details TBA

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uh John from Seattle

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I've been dating a girl for almost a year

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we've been dating almost a year

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right buddy yeah woohoo

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I'm a man okay apparently

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he thinks there's a lot of female Johns out there

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you never know these days

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I'm a man

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I poop all the time and also pass gas on occasion

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I have never

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once heard my girlfriend do either of these things

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is she hiding it or do women poop

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and I hate the word fart and what is it flatulate

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do they have less gas do they fart less

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it's a good question it's a good question

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well

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I can absolutely tell you what I get in my my office

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I I don't have a specific study where I can quote you

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but men absolutely from what I have seen

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have more regular bowel movements

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women tend to be more predisposed to IBS

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so irritable bowel syndrome

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where they will have more gas bloating distension

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really yeah

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well it does happen around menstrual cycles

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you do have more water retention and flatulence

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distension and high pressure and gas

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that's why I'm not familiar with that

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I would go out of town and then on top of whatever

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women tend to be more constipated than men in general

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I don't have a stat to pull up though

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but this is just what I've seen

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um but absolutely absolutely

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you think she's hiding

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oh she's pooping

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she's alive isn't she

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she's pooping she's just not doing it in front of them

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but if you don't poop for a long time

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you die right

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if you don't pee for a long time

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don't you die you would have like

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that sounds bad is bad

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well urinary retention is really bad

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you would have bladder distension in pain

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so I don't think you'd be able to hold it forever

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but you could have a backflow through your uterus

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into your kidneys hydronephrosis with like

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fluid in the kidneys swelling is bad

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yeah so if you have a block at you

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you can't urinate yes

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I don't think anyone could physically

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physiologically hold their pee until they died

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you don't even hurt too bad

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yeah cause

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you know with little animals

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sometimes they don't pee and you put them in warm water

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right to get them to pee

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ever heard that no

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I've heard of like

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dipping a person's hand in warm water to make

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them pee when they're sleeping

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I think it's similar to that

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maybe we should try it not in my bed though

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I used to do that I would put yeah

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I would pee the bed all the time

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if my hand was wrapped around a whiskey bottle hmm

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that's it this is okay that's about the exact time

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I wanna find a study for you

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I'm very interested in this question who poops more

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I absolutely know that it's men

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every single time I've had a woman and a man

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especially couples come to see me

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we talk about you guys all the time

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he poops all the time

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he drinks his coffee and 20 minutes later he poops

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I can't poop for four days

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do you know what you're supposed to do

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as far as how often you're supposed to poop

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how about that

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that's a good one how often am I supposed to poop

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I was about to prove

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this guy was saying that she never poops

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she absolutely does at least a couple times a week well

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I was about to prove your

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I was about to make it

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so you don't even need a study by this um

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this case study oh

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that I know about what yourself

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yeah I'm a hiding pooper well

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I think anybody with self respect is like

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I'm gonna flee the door open and be like

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tell me about your day don't you think people get

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great point only a year

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this is only been a year they've been together

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had they been married 10 years

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he would be like yeah

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this is what's right he would know more

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but she's she's in the court like the courting phase

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you know what I think is interesting

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remember

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when you had to pull over on the side of the road

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cause I had to pee so badly

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oh yeah I thought you were gonna say the time I did

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but I appreciate you you know

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you've never peed on side of the road

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I remember the panic we talked about it in like our

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one of our first podcast

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where I drink two giant red eyes by mistake

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and I needed you to pull up yeah

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but you got a bathroom you you had self respect

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I just pissed on the side of the road

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what was funny is in front of you

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and you took a picture of me

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you asshole I did go post that in the show now

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but I wasn't embarrassed

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I had to pee so bad that I was like

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just fucking pull over isn't it funny that when you

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I got would have taken the arrest ticket or whatever

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it's called public expo

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I don't give a shit

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decent exposure that just give me the pee relief oh

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you know what's funny about that

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but if I had to poop

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I would have held that shit until I passed out

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I wouldn't have shit myself on

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the side of the road in front of you yes

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good point yeah

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we were driving it's hard to tell when someone

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you know how you're saying to somebody like

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oh I have to go to the bathroom and they're like

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oh I know that feeling you have to pee

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I remember the moment which I realized that you we were

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you were going to take over the wheel steering

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if we didn't put like

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I remember the point I was like

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oh my gosh

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and then you did this technique I've never heard before

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cause people will say like

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oh guys

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have it easier because we could just like whip it out

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go behind a tree you have a little more complicated

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but I was very impressed

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you go turn down this road I go

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I don't know what this is gonna

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I don't know what's down that road

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there's no coffee shop cause I said

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do you wanna go to a we have different like bathroom

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how we feel about like bathrooms

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clean or like gas station bathroom

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I go there's a gas station for you said no way

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well but I was also wearing slippers

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cause I didn't think I'd have to pee

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remember we just went out to run an errand really fast

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but if you were in pajamas with slippers

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I didn't have tennis shoes on

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if you were wearing tennis shoes

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would you gone to the gas station

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I would have gone into the

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doctor's office that we were next to okay

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but you I remember saying to you

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McDonald's bathroom and you're like nope

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I had tennis shoes on

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and we were near a McDonald's bathroom

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I would have gone in okay

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so this is more about the slippers

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if it was a Porta potty

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I would absolutely pee outside in the grass

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standing up

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one leg up back where you would not have done

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you're going to an outhouse report party

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if I can avoid it

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do you know the healthiest choice at McDonald's

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this is just shit in the bathroom and leave yeah

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I'm sure porta potty oh

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they call some honey pots have you seen that brand

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I do not like that that sounds like sexual thing yeah

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it sounds like isn't it

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isn't it like I have a honey pot in a vagina

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the honey pot

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I'm gonna look it up I thought a honey pot no

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I know what it is it's um a honey pot

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it's a honey pot

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is when you turn on a girl on an electric blanket

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and then you pour sugar in her vagina

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what that doesn't even make sense honey pot

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it's where you why is there an electric blanket

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you put honey on her vagina

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and then you release a bunch of bees

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and you try to get her before the bees do what

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honey pot you get high you should stop

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you your pee technique by the way

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porta potty can I yeah yeah yeah

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I'd like to say I don't know what it is

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often times when I see a porta potty

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it's a better idea to just use the restroom

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behind the porta potty oh

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for sure

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just those are the woods or whatever to just go behind

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use the porta potty to obstruct porta potties

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if you go behind it

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you ever look in a porta potty

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where the where the toilet is

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that's look inside of it yeah

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so you know yeah

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that's where Satan goes when he's done something bad

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you don't Alaska no

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we have porta potties port means portable

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obviously

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there's someone Alaska that are slightly perm

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perma potty but it's on the side of a road

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and you go in there and I swear

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I went in there once

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and I looked into the hole where you

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I saw I think I saw generations of shit

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like I think I saw a man shit

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and then way below was his grandfather's shit

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frozen too right

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general in the winter but this doesn't smell so bad

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it's not like a hot concert oh

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I saw this in the in the summer

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cause we're going to Denali

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which you only really go like

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can you imagine if there was a Burning Man Porta body

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how bad that would be like you're at Burning Man

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everyone should shit

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just on the side of the fucking dirt

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I don't really want burning man burning man

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I really wanna go do you interesting

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I have like this when someone says it I'm like yeah

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but I don't have any information about it yeah

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we'd have to come up with like some really cool

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like thing to barter with people

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I wanna like do it right like yeah

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leather chaps and shit

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wow well

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not okay this is weird

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this is so weird what I went to burning man

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com and has a bunch of suggestions for herpes

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burning man you did a joke about that once

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I feel like I'm Gutfeld oh yeah

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we got a burning when it pees or something

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might have been that exact joke

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it's very possible um

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I don't remember what we're talking about now

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we were talking about

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you were impressed that I use like

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the thing that people stand on in cars as like

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a seat to lean against

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and just like spread my legs out

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and what are people stand on in cars

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like the little footstep thing up

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oh yeah it was amazing

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sorry impressed by you're right

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you said pulled on this road there's no anything yeah

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there's no business what are you gonna do

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and then I pull over you go here

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right here there's no there's no house

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then you open the door

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and you use the door to make like a triangular tent

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yeah open the drive

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that's right and the back door

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so I've got two doors on each side

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so I have a little wall yeah

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clearly it's not my first time

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take a picture of the back door

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I did take a picture I like that we sometimes take uh

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pictures of each other too

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I don't take pictures of you peeing

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I've never taken a picture of you peeing no

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but it was awesome I was like super impressed well

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I was super relieved yeah uh

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it's I will pee outside 10 out of 10 times

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and never go into a porta potty

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fuck that shit

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you had to go that day

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I feel bad that I took so long to pull over

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I didn't realize how serious it was

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it sounded like when you started peeing

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I should pee really bad

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right now that we're talking about it

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me too it sounded like um

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no I'm serious

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do you know what

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the carnival where you shoot the God laughing goes up

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that's what it sounded like when you peed

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it was like so powerful keep talking

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I'm just gonna pee right here

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no go

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um do you wanna take a pee break

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we totally can

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ah just take a pee breath

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I was just saying I know you missed my whole joke

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I did

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it's kind of difficult to try to be funny for like

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when you're a comedian did I did I miss it

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well I was trying

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I'd got cut off I was gonna be like

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I need to pee right here

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oh of course you could

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skills sometimes you know they have like a

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what's it called

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a wizzy or something

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it's like a funnel for women that you can put

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like in your car and take when you're camping

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or whatever and you just like put it there with a tube

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it's like a funnel to pee in to the slide makes

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it makes a dick

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right fuck I'm gonna go isn't that what it's like

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so you're making

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you're basically making a penis out of the funnel right

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the funnel is like that's what I just have all day long

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by the way the go to

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I have a theory that

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the reason Gatorade bottles have wide mouths

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so I can piss it

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you took a break to pee and you were so cute in there

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that I wish I could include what happened

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I haven't recorded on the camera

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just the audio that I was moaning in satisfaction yeah

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it was really yeah

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your sight it felt great I'm good to go now

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so I guess you can't answer the question

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you said that she's definitely is pooping and farting

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she is hiding it from him but I have said this before

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but I also think that the frequency is different

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men tend to poop a lot more oh

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that's what I was gonna tell you

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the average person poops anywhere between

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three times a day

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to every once every three days

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that's a crazy it's a big range

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ideally you'd poop every day

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because you're trying to rid your body of toxins

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the more regular you are we do believe

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can decrease the risk of certain colorectal diseases

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um so there's something to it

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I don't I was looking up studies

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I'm gonna cut you off so all this is interesting hit me

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I don't know where this came from

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I thought it was funny

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an online survey by a bathroom retailer

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suggested men spend up to 14 minutes a day pooping

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compared to women who reported they spend almost

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how many minutes do you think a day pooping

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seven 8

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well done I'm so glad you brought this up

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I was about to say

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what I was about to say when you said

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I'm gonna interrupt you this is so crazy

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it has to do exactly with that what I don't

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no one cares but I barely do this once a day

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the pooping thing you barely poop once a day

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how do you barely poop

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you like half poop

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I have you squeeze out half

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pinch it off and then save the rest for the next day

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I don't know what a regular ball movement

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I'm Rick he's on very uncomfortable

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I don't like any of this type of talk

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you want it to be the shape of a C or an S

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you want to be soft easy to push out

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you're not squeezing like crazy

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but you want it to be in like a big long log

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big piece you don't want little tiny pieces

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if it's like rabbit poop

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that means you're super constipated

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you know what I had today

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exclamation point haha

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is that bad started off good

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I looked down on the toilet

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you say hey

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stop yelling at me much about poop though

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toilet surprised

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cause it had a big

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like it was sad that it had to swallow that yeah

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I don't what I sang Guffald the other day

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I said I was in the bathroom so bad

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I was in a restroom in the bathroom

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so bad that this guy went to the bathroom

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the toilet threw up in the sink

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it was so funny I saw that when I watched that one

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so thank you

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but the reason I brought it up twofold has to do

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has to do has to do with what you're saying

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I don't understand I used to work at

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the only job I've ever had

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where I worked in a building with other people

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like I've never had a job where I had co workers

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except for like Arby's but I worked at a radio station

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with all these other people

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every morning I would we drink tons of coffee

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and I go to every morning at like

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we get up at 4 because we

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our morning show started at 5 is really early

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I go in this bathroom at 5:00

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and it was a restroom for like a bunch of people

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the whole floor had to be someone on our morning show

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because we're the only people there

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I would go into that restroom

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and I know it's cleaned every night

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cause I've been in it at night

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it's fine everything's fine

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when I walk in that bathroom at 5 in the morning

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uh huh I felt like I was inside of an actual asshole

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like I was in like an ass like a haunted house

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it was like a just a just people say all the time

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I was punched in the face by the smell of this

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I'm inside of an asshole

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what do you mean oh

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there's a blow up one at a health fair

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is a rectum and an anus

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and I got to walk through it like a tunnel

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and see polyps

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and describe cancers and sores and lumps

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and what a colonoscopy does man

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I've never thought I'd be happier to hear about cancer

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lumps after you say you're inside of an asshole

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that was a really nice clarification

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sigh of relief

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here's my question

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I go back on the air that day and I go somebody yeah

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I go somebody it's every day though yeah

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so I go in there and I go

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someone in here has to go to the hospital

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you're creepy we have to go to the hospital

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and don't you feel up to it right

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no no one did

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but

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do you think there's something wrong with that person

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here's my question

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I think there's something wrong with that person

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it was this is very

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it was so bad I got think something's wrong with him

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maybe he's getting rid of his toxins and he's fine

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but the other thing is

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I don't understand person in bathroom for a long time

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going number two

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well the thing that I read though

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it wasn't taking and quantified or qualified data

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it was just self reported information

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like 14 versus 8 minutes

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is that because men typically poop more than once a day

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so the time spent

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is because they're in the bathroom twice pooping

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is it because they prefer to be on their phone

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surfing the internet for a while

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and they're distracted it didn't extrapolate anything

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it just said self reported information

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so I have no idea so I'm asking so I'm

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I'm this is not a true medical study

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I just thought it was funny that they said that

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men are in the bathroom more than women

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it is very interesting and I think it was uh

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I read that study if you dig deeper

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men with iPhones poop for 28 minutes

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and men without iPhones poop for 10 seconds

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that's how they count to fourteen

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my question is more of a on a personal note

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like don't you know p I know people

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I'm not telling you my study

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I know people that go and go into the bag go

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where did that person go

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like what are they doing in there

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I go into the restroom I think it's about 15 seconds

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you the clean up if you have some

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you have some white piece that's short

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I do everything pretty cool

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I'm pretty quick

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I feel like I'm always rushing even if I'm pooping

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I'm like I gotta get out there nothing to do

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I gotta get back out there

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I'm always rushing

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and I just wonder what are they doing in there

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I know there's phones

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but everything is quick is not quick not everything wow

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maybe I'm haven't cut that as a promenulence

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played over and over

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I guess my question is it's hard to be like sexual

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after talking about you shitting though

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it is but so so little of my day I spent shitting

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I said wipey wipes and I said sexy guy

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am I the only one that calls him wifey wipes

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by the way you're very quick to point out things

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I say different than everyone else in the world

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like I say calm wrong I guess calm

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I don't know I don't call my saying

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I don't call anything that I use for my ass

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a wipey wipe but what do you call it

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not that what do you call the package in your bathroom

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that has the butt wipes

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oh that's way better

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I thought

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you're gonna have some sort of proper name for them

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wow butt wipes anal sanitization cloths

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yeah that's closer

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now I can talk toilet non doctor talk I know

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I just didn't know if wipey

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wipes is one of these things

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I was saying wrong I believe

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that's probably something

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you should x from your vocabulary

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going forward okay

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well I go I go real quick some guys are in there

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I have a theory

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you know

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I think they're doing in there not pooping yeah

Speaker:

and this happened before phones

Speaker:

don't you remember people in the bathroom is before

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there's like books and stuff magazine

Speaker:

I feel like I hate a bathroom book

Speaker:

why do you have it especially in a guest bathroom

Speaker:

what do you have a magazine

Speaker:

that means

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anybody who had enough time to look at the magazine

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was shitting so they're holding it

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and then they're wiping their ass

Speaker:

are they touching the magazine again

Speaker:

that magazine is probably filthy

Speaker:

if you just go into pee

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you're not gonna flip through a book

Speaker:

you're right I I I was in someone and I saw

Speaker:

are you encouraging people to like

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sit in your guest bathroom and just shit for an hour

Speaker:

you're right and who gets to the end of that book

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that's why it's creepy

Speaker:

I have the most uncomfortable toilet

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I want everybody in and out

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what if there was a bookmark in the book

Speaker:

they're coming back for more

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I was I was in someone's house once my mom

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I think my parents use it very funny

Speaker:

thanks bookmark yeah

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they're like oh

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I'll read the rest of that book when I'm over it

Speaker:

Erica's house shitting

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I'm gonna eat a bunch of food

Speaker:

so I can read the end of that book

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I'm reading at your house

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the bookmark my mom used to have

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what is that

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I don't need you to laugh at my joke

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when you don't want to laugh at my joke

Speaker:

sometimes in my head

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I'm thinking something and that is why

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but I was at either my mom's or someone's house

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that a basket

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as I say something that I remembered

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you have a women empowerment sweatshirt

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sometimes I'm about to say to me

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this is offensive I was gonna go

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women love baskets

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you guys love you love a basket

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I don't know one guy that's like

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get in here guys look at this basket

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you love baskets don't you

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I love baskets I have them

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quit looking around my bedroom

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at the baskets in my bedroom women

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I don't know one guy that's like

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I gotta go buy baskets today

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we're always buying baskets

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so in the bathroom there's a basket haha

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I remember when you redid your bedroom

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which is beautiful you have incredible taste

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I have no taste

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but I remember I came here and you were like

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my bedroom's almost done I got the new bed

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I got the new dresser I got the lamp

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the end table I'm thinking that's everything

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you're almost there

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I just need some white stones and some plates

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I didn't say that I didn't say I needed a basket though

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true

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my mom or someone in the bathroom

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had National Geographics in the basket

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that you could read no

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so now it's like you're right

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there's fecal minor on them now

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National Geographics there's semen on it

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you jerked off to National Geographic

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are you being serious that you don't know this

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are you being serious that you jerked off to like

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tribal sub saharan

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like it's not just me pictures or to the elephants

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no if you squint

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that trunk looks like a

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no if not

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I'm not kidding you not proud of this

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but I'm not masturbated to like tribal pictures

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listen sometimes it was to a car advertisement of a car

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I couldn't where they were explaining their heritage

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and their culture and like

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I'm gonna be honest with you

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I didn't read the part about the culture

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because her titties were showing

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are you you're genuinely being serious right now

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I'm super disgusted this is not just me

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it's a thing that's not a thing

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where was a fucking playboy when you needed it

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that's the point though is when you're too young

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you could never get a playboy

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you're like 15 16 years old

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we would look at those are often times

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pictures of impoverished countries

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where people were having like

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like I don't know

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like polio and even bone deformities

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listen even hotter

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like man

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she banged me for a pair of socks

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that's not funny

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I'm not kidding I only did this maybe

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I don't even know if I ever did it

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maybe once in my whole life

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I'm gonna call up your mom

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and I'm gonna tell her what you did to her

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National Geographics

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you know what else we did

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the Encyclopedia Britannica haha

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serious catalogue you did not heard that phrase before

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you did not do you know that

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the

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the lady with the bangs and the Christmas turtleneck

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you fuckter do you know this is not just me

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I am telling you something that I don't

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every guy over 40 no

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if you were to Google this

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what were you masturbating to in a serious catalogue

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the bra section no you were not bras and underwear

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you would open it and look at a bra

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and you grab your penis to a bra yeah

Speaker:

there's some good stuff in there lingerie

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tires refrigerators

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some of the men's men problem lawn mowers

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asked me to do a toolbox we were very poor

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I would sometimes mess

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this is not an economical situation all joking aside

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we couldn't get a hold of naked pictures of women

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and the closest thing was

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everyone's father

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was like a nipple on a National Geographic

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and I'm not the only one

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and then there was also the Sears catalogue

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if you ask anybody over probably 40

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if you just go you know like your friend's husband

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that we were just talking about

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if you called him up and said I say Sears catalog

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what do you think of bullshit

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he will write back masturbation

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what friend the one that was here today yeah

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if you I'm gonna text him how old

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I'm gonna text him right now

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how old is he he just turned 40 say what

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Jamie wants to know

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what comes to mind when I say the words serious

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catalogue

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your first thought when I say the word says

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Sears catalogue this is fascinating for me

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he's not gonna write back titties yeah he is

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a Sears catalogue I mean there's no way

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it was Christmas sweaters and appliances

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that's what I remember why are you such a perv

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cause there was nothing no

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I'm so angry we had nothing

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it's disturbing it's not about being poor or wealthy no

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I'm sorry we had nothing

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the wealthy kids had a bunch of penthouses everywhere

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we were no no

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I mean playboys I mean like you know what I mean

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I don't mean poor I mean

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we were not like the scarcity of nudity is in

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is is the resource in which I was poor

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I'm not talking about economically

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I'm saying like

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there were not a lot of nipples hanging around

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if they were I was related to him

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god

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I didn't think you could make this conversation worse

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I would love to show you my computer screen right now

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if he writes back

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he will there's a 0% chance he doesn't 0

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I think he's normal I think he's gonna write back um

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my mom used that to buy us Christmas presents

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and then you're gonna look like an asshole

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if you masturbates to fucking

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if it's longhorn sheep in National Geographic

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because their nipples are hanging

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this is fascinating because I think you missed it

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because you're young and a woman

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I had Sears catalogues I'm not a perv

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did you did women look at did you have any kind of

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no the first time I ever had a sexual interest

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I was 12 or 13 and I just like explored with myself

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I never looked at a magazine

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I never once like

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ripped open colon ads and saw the guys naked chest

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and was like oh fuck yeah

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thank you Vogue never there was a car magazine

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which is way less disturbing than what you're doing

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anyway there's a

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I'm trying to think of the female equivalent

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that would be National Geode fucking graphic

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it's not I'm not alone in this

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I'm not alone in this

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the whole tribe with the cities hanging out were there

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too yeah

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I'm thinking of that I used to buy this one magazine

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I don't even want to know it was a cover for me

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swear to God don't don't fucking say Toys R Us no

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was automotive the giraffe poor giraffe no hey

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just to be clear

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I can't even I just realized what you were saying

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look at you now just to be clear

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I'm not talking about the animals

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National Geographic to see the neck on that one ah

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this is their room did you copy your friends by the way

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and you're like National Geographic

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check your mail there's a fucking nipple on page 73

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check out Serengeti

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did you no

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this was something I never spoke

Speaker:

this is closeted so you were ashamed hey

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guess how I Learned a lot of stuff

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he hasn't written back thank God

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but I don't think he's gonna write back something like

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oh I fucked every page of that Sears catalog

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not every page just the brow section

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why would you get off to a bra

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do you know I'm almost confident that

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if you had changed Sears catalogue to

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National Geographic 80% chance Europack masturbation

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if you said Jamie said

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National Geographic magazine when you were younger

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what do you think about

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he would say masturbate with National Geographic

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serious catalogue

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there's no way he doesn't write this back

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unless he's lying

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I'll call someone live on the air here

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I wish I could um

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anyway

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that's a I just typed in

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okay ready for this

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ready for this oh wait

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you're doing a Google search on how many people

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I'm gonna type do you know what um

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you know what autofill in is right

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when you type a Google search and it fills in

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someone type maybe it's your browser history no

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no this is

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I'm gonna clear party search

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I will clear my browser history ready

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Sears catalogue space I'm type letter M okay

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No.1 masturbation shit

Speaker:

I can't tell if it was for my Google search yeah

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of course it was um

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okay would you believe this 9 years ago on Reddit

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why is the Sears catalogue

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so associated with masturbation

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it's not this is so filthy

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this was an innocent thing

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that you would get for the holidays

Speaker:

and you would buy Christmas presents

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there's toys in it this guy sounds reputable um

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Lithuan 3 3 6 2 says uh before the kids are their own

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ipads or high speed internet we had to do we could

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okay

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um when you're a middle schooler in 19 9 9

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the lingerie section of a clothing at

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is about as good as you're gonna get

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desert times man

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you couldn't just get porn on the internet

Speaker:

why do you have to have porn

Speaker:

why can't you just touch your penis

Speaker:

why do you have to have porn as a little teenager

Speaker:

is that a text no shit

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I'm dying well of course you start with imagination

Speaker:

but then you switch to a magazine or something

Speaker:

is like the top of the top

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a pornographic film

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I get a hold of a pornographic film

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I didn't watch a porn until I was 16

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15 and it was like a joke

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like that's I probably

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where men and women completely are different wow

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I don't know any girlfriends who when we were young

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ever were like

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oh we have to sneak and watch this

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that's pretty wild

Speaker:

so you watched your first born at 16 or 70

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that's only four

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it only took you four years to make your own

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that's pretty quick I could do this better

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hmm

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you know the biggest fear with making a sex tape

Speaker:

what about happens when you break up

Speaker:

I destroyed it you gotta really trust that person

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I destroyed it oh

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I just and I wasn't I was not talking about you anymore

Speaker:

I meant like in general I was saying like

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like now we have all these

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these things I'm more afraid

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to go into your mom's attic

Speaker:

and find old Sears catalogues that are stuck together

Speaker:

poor thing probably has no idea why they're all stuck

Speaker:

you would open up

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you would open up the Sears catalogue

Speaker:

and you'd be like

Speaker:

there is no lingerie section and I'd be like

Speaker:

oh no it's that one thick page right there

Speaker:

it's in there

Speaker:

hmm okay

Speaker:

well anyway we will

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no text I'm sorry

Speaker:

you're on your own here we'll jump back in

Speaker:

don't believe me I'm not on my own

Speaker:

for your information it's me

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Megu Nos 9 easy type Lithu um

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they sound like wonderful friends

Speaker:

desperate 45 also concurs at the Sears catalog

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yes absolutely five uh huh

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sounds like the same people that uh

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might not gonna finish that thought

Speaker:

damn it I want to play a clip

Speaker:

about masturbating to the Sears catalog

Speaker:

when they were younger you know

Speaker:

I guess I've looked through that you know

Speaker:

because you're nowadays with the porn everything

Speaker:

but I'm a lot older than that back in my days you

Speaker:

it's buffering on the nor McDonald's punchline

Speaker:

back in my days you what to go to this a serious storm

Speaker:

fucking wack off haha

Speaker:

that's nor McDonald he passed away

Speaker:

he was in our TV show he was one of the funniest guys

Speaker:

in the history of the world

Speaker:

he said he's so old yeah

Speaker:

you said he was nice huh he's so nice but he um

Speaker:

I ruined that funny joke by bringing the fact

Speaker:

he passed away but we miss him dearly

Speaker:

that's pretty funny he said he was so old

Speaker:

he'd actually go to Sears and Jack off

Speaker:

well we have different types of humor today

Speaker:

I just I'm never getting you a magazine subscription

Speaker:

to fucking anything now

Speaker:

I just have these horrible thoughts

Speaker:

now I know why you read so many books

Speaker:

I do not trust her oh

Speaker:

do you know what I'm about to do to you right now

Speaker:

self development book dah

Speaker:

of course it's self help what do you know about to do

Speaker:

your poor fucking Kindle

Speaker:

is that like an easy squeech Windex

Speaker:

okay you coming at me with this

Speaker:

I'm yeah what

Speaker:

what are you gonna do what you got Lisso

Speaker:

what's the last book audiobook you read

Speaker:

haha that's not fair haha

Speaker:

just curious what it is

Speaker:

it might have been called throttle me

Speaker:

oh throttle me

Speaker:

I'm assuming it's a from a car's point of view

Speaker:

an autobiography of a gas pedal about a ginormous cock

Speaker:

I know it was amazing

Speaker:

the book was amazing it was an audio book

Speaker:

you don't find any type of

Speaker:

you feel any do you feel like you owe anyone an apology

Speaker:

I didn't on this positive

Speaker:

I just sit on my iPhone haha

Speaker:

I don't have a problem with porn

Speaker:

I have a problem with you getting off to a fucking hut

Speaker:

a hut National Geographic

Speaker:

what's a hut oh

Speaker:

a hut hahaha

Speaker:

that's not what it was look at that

Speaker:

that's true oh

Speaker:

no

Speaker:

listen I'm still seeing like

Speaker:

goats with hairy teeth in the background

Speaker:

and you're like

Speaker:

did you like that okay look at me

Speaker:

I don't remember so tease me for my book all you want

Speaker:

I intentionally purchased that book to get excited

Speaker:

sexually

Speaker:

there was a moment where I was jealous of the book why

Speaker:

I was jealous of a fictitious character

Speaker:

he had a ginormous penis but he's a drawing eight pack

Speaker:

drawing tattoos he rode a motorcycle

Speaker:

he was rough

Speaker:

see I don't like that

Speaker:

I don't have these attributes

Speaker:

but you know what I never fantasized about that

Speaker:

it got me in the mood

Speaker:

and then I would fantasize about you

Speaker:

an eight pack on the cover

Speaker:

oh I don't know he was ripped

Speaker:

but notice they don't ever show the guy's face

Speaker:

cause then it gets to be the fantasy

Speaker:

so these books actually

Speaker:

these books actually did you a solid

Speaker:

cause think about all the time that I would text you

Speaker:

like really salty dirty things yeah

Speaker:

sometimes I know you were like

Speaker:

fuck is that really her

Speaker:

like who's typing these things

Speaker:

cause I just heard it and I was like oh

Speaker:

I like that line you know

Speaker:

they say don't text and drive

Speaker:

hmm don't listen to fucking throttled and drive

Speaker:

you have I did message me so many times

Speaker:

I did swerve off the road

Speaker:

I swerved off the road well

Speaker:

I didn't expect

Speaker:

they were like talking about what they talked about

Speaker:

yeah it sounds like it was like

Speaker:

it's got the whole series

Speaker:

I bought two more I just haven't listened to him yet

Speaker:

I just don't I don't mind that he's in shape

Speaker:

I feel like I work out

Speaker:

but it doesn't show the face at all

Speaker:

so it's like yeah

Speaker:

but but then I found something about you

Speaker:

but motorcycle tattoos I don't know if I like um

Speaker:

well that's not my fantasy

Speaker:

I think that's like a lot of women's fantasies

Speaker:

this would be a great topic for another one about like

Speaker:

what's a fantasy what's not

Speaker:

what's common what's uncommon

Speaker:

well I'm very fortunate

Speaker:

what's a creature fantasy

Speaker:

I wonder if what oh

Speaker:

I'd like to talk about that okay

Speaker:

we'll do it next like pushing the limits

Speaker:

pushing the limits what would be the craziest fantasy

Speaker:

yeah

Speaker:

and like would you fulfill it or not

Speaker:

Jeez okay I think it's hard cause we're together

Speaker:

I'm gonna have a little trouble with this one

Speaker:

but I think it's a good idea

Speaker:

I got a couple fantasies all right um

Speaker:

yeah I do get jealous of fictitious people

Speaker:

when they have things I don't

Speaker:

how about you but it's not your like

Speaker:

the tattoos are always into the heaven was like yeah

Speaker:

that guy look at that guy

Speaker:

he went some to some place and they went

Speaker:

but he didn't even do anything

Speaker:

he's got tattoos good for you

Speaker:

he got a man bun and a beard you're the best gosh

Speaker:

you're the greatest

Speaker:

you said you like man bonds once and I was like

Speaker:

that hurts my feelings yeah

Speaker:

well look out

Speaker:

because I've also very good at taking direction

Speaker:

so if we're gonna talk about fantasies

Speaker:

I'll probably whip out a Dillard's catalogue

Speaker:

and look at the men's underwear

Speaker:

later today okay

Speaker:

rawr

Speaker:

next time I'm afraid to ask fantasies

Speaker:

and I think we have sticky magazines

Speaker:

sticky magazines

Speaker:

coming up on the next episode of afraid to ask

Speaker:

what did I tell you in all of your comedy

Speaker:

would upset me more than anything else

Speaker:

when we first started dating

Speaker:

like what topic was off limits

Speaker:

are you dumb

Speaker:

that would really upset me if I said I was dumb

Speaker:

massage misogynistic stuff

Speaker:

oh okay well that was a silly joke

Speaker:

I apologize next

Speaker:

holy shit I'm mad at you

Speaker:

I don't like that shit

Speaker:

do you understand though seriously

Speaker:

I don't find it funny

Speaker:

and the reason I don't find it funny is

Speaker:

as a sensitive subject that a lot of men have used

Speaker:

humoring to get away with very inappropriate

Speaker:

disrespectful behavior that has gone on for centuries

Speaker:

so the reason I don't like jokes

Speaker:

is because you're just perpetuating that

Speaker:

it's silly and it's not a big deal

Speaker:

it's a huge deal

Speaker:

so I think it'd be safer to move on something else

Speaker:

romance novels are great

Speaker:

are there guy romance novels I don't know

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About the Podcast

Afraid to Ask
Prescriptions from the Doctor. Punchlines from the Comedian.
Comedian Jamie Lissow and his smarter half Dr. Erika answer all kinds of medical, dating, sex, divorce, questions some might be afraid to ask. Listen & subscribe for prescriptions and punchlines.

About your hosts

Jamie Lissow

Profile picture for Jamie Lissow
Actor and comedian Jamie Lissow is currently a regular weekly guest on the #1 rated late night talk show, Gutfeld! on Fox. Jamie is best known for his starring role in two seasons of the Netflix Original Series “Real Rob”, alongside SNL alums Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, Norm MacDonald and David Spade; a show Jamie co-wrote and co-produced.

Jamie has appeared on The Tonight Show, The Late Late Show, Last Comic Standing, has his own half hour Comedy Central special and a Dry Bar Comedy Special with over 20 Million views. Jamie recently wrapped his first movie, Daddy Daughter Trip, where he appears alongside John Cleese, Rob Schneider, and Micheal Bublé - a movie he co-wrote and produced.

Jamie is currently working on the feature film, The Animal 2, for Fox/Tubi and continues to headline comedy clubs across the country.

Erika Aragona

Profile picture for Erika Aragona
Dr. Erika, DO, is a board-certified Family Medicine physician who focuses on Women's Health and Wellness. Her clinical practice is almost exclusively female-based, and she regularly educates on contraception, hormone replacement therapy, libido and sexual health. She is an associate professor at Idaho College of Osteopathic Medicine, where she lectures on Women's Health, and she serves as a physician expert consultant and writer for several female-based health and wellness companies.