Episode 12

full
Published on:

24th Apr 2024

Sad Ending

In this episode...

In this episode of "Afraid to Ask," comedian Jamie Lissow and his more informed half discuss if massages are a waste of money or if they actually have physical and mental benefits. And answer questions like “Do Women Get Happy Endings?” and “How much is appropriate to tip if you think you were sexually assaulted.”

 

Chapters

00:00 - Medical Benefits Of Massage 

03:00 - Psychosomatic Pain 

04:20 - Physical Benefits Of Massage 

06:30 - Do Women Get Happy Endings?

09:00 - Rub & Tugs

09:20 - Jamie’s Non-Consensual Massage

15:30 - How Much To Tip For A Sexual Assault 

17:46 - Tipping Etiquette For Bad Service 

20:00 - Jamie Shared A Dressing Room With Thunder From Down Under 

21:55 - Bachelor And Bachelorette Parties Can Cause Divorce 

25:50 - Stripper In Alaska

31:40 - At What Age Will My Penis Stop Working?

34:00 - Male Vs Female Patients When It Comes To Sex Issues 

36:40 - Getting & Sustaining Erections & The Powerful Aged Sperm If Pablo Picasso 

39:30 - How Female Eggs Are Like Bitcoin 

41:00 - Why Jamie’s A Pervert 

42:00 - Jamie’s Fan Base 

 

About the Podcast

Comedian Jamie Lissow and his smarter half Dr. Erika answer all kinds of medical, dating, sex, divorce, questions some might be afraid to ask. Listen & subscribe for prescriptions and punchlines.

Mentioned in this episode:

Warning:

This is an uncensored podcast that will include adult language and topics. Viewer discretion is advised.

Transcript
Speaker:

check 1 2 well

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hello there boyfriend how are you this fine day

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I'm really good is it working

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yes excellent

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let's not talk shit I'm afraid to ask

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but I have a great question

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I don't even know what I was gonna say

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I'm so disturbed right now

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question coming in would you like to hear it

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sure speaking of a woman

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massaging my butt without permission

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last night okay

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again

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I just want to say this really fast before we move on

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take your time

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I'm not okay that your personal space was interrupted

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yeah and not respected

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I will never advocate for that

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I think that's important

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I'm not like so free spirited and I'm like

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oh rope him

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you matter and if you're feeling violated

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then I believe it I hear it

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I see it and I respect it and I'm angry

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I hated it I don't know that I felt violated

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fuck that bitch yeah

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why do I have to say nice words fuck you cunt

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I did it back to her I was like

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you like that what about this

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you want a little bit of this

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yeah you can see

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isn't that a crazy double standard though

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if I pinched her ass her husband

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or whoever was with her would have been like

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fuck you Jamie boom

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completely 100%

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it's almost like I'm not a real person that but yeah

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that bothers me

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they think that you're just like for show

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so I got a question coming in

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this is interesting

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Doctor Erica and Jamie

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sometimes I feel like they put in Jamie just to be nice

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I get massages all the time

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because they're good for my sciatica

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sciatica and my circulation

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but my boyfriend thinks I'm wasting money ah

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could you please tell him

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there's an actual health benefit to massage

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or is he right do you massages yeah monthly

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hmm cause they feel good

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or do they they help sciatica

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oh for sure

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I mean there's targeted massages

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and there's like relaxation one

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so that's like such a multifaceted question

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it's a great question

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so for just relaxation purposes

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massages are amazing

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they help release all of your positive hormones

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and it helps people relax

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it helps with their mental state

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so like massages just duo

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you're right you could argue

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I feel like she's looking for a definitive medical

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you're right if it's relaxes you

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that's your argument right there

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is that that is good for your health

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well

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I think people think that mental health is invisible

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you can't see the ailment

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yeah but we've actually proven that like

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if you're really depressed or anxious

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people with PTSD other medical comorbidities

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with mental health relations

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they can have physical manifestations

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okay let me break that down easier

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so

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yes

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if you're sad your back can hurt

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sure if you are depressed

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you can't orgasm hmm

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a lot of times you're depressed

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cause no one will let you orgasm

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with them with them

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I should have known that was coming

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well you know

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you know I believe you about the back

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I had back injury that was cured completely

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start for another time by what I think was a

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was a mental thing doctor sir

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no healing back pain

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yeah so

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I think that like

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a lot of it is mental more than physical

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but mental ties into physical

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like we'll see muscle tensity

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tension headaches

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muscle spasms in your upper neck and your

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your traps

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like everybody sits like this when they're like upset

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right at work or they're hunched over a computer

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and I see a lot of spasms

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and I have to do trigger point injection

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so that's basically I I

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I stick needles in people with like

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numbing medication and steroids

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to decrease the inflammation in the pain

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and that's often times tied to a mental state

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like

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they might not even need it if you could somehow go hey

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a lot of this is a distress psychological

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but it's so

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I find that people think

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it's degrading and embarrassing to admit that

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so instead of saying

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I need to see a therapist

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or have medication to help with my mood

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they see a chiropractor they see a massage therapist

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right they see physical therapy

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and they fix the inherent like

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or the immediate problem I should say right

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but they don't fix the underlying

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etiology of why you have that in the first place

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right treating the symptom

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not treating the root cause so massages as a benefit

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absolutely now

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that's just talking about the psychosomatic part of it

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if you're gonna talk about like

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physiological properties

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of course massages are beneficial

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you have a muscle spasm you have tension

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you have a physiological ailment

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especially if you're asymmetrical

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like you know how shitty it is if you have a problem

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like for example your left hip is out yeah

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what do you think your body does

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what does your right hip do

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it's like fuck you yeah look at you

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so then your right hip takes over all the other shit

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and it gets stress and strain and pressure

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and now you have bilateral symptoms

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yet you can't even stand because it hurts so bad

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so her boyfriend can fuck off

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there's her husband boyfriend

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I forgot because it is not wasting money

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this is absolutely to be a waste of money at all

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and hands down something good

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there's it says follow up here it says Part B

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it's a waste of money

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plans are going up that's okay

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I think it's a waste of money waste of money

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you do it

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hoping it will fix all of your physical problems

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when there's absolutely no way that it can gotcha

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so waste of money

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only if you think it might fix all of your

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all of your problems

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there's no way you can no think about it this way

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some people hey

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by the way these lines are going up

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I was getting out of the shower once in that happened

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and I did not know

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I didn't know how any of it operated

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and I was standing here naked

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sometimes your mom's out in the backyard

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I remember when I ran

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and I squished my boobs against the window

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and I was like hello

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I do remember that and then I shut the blinds

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I'm sorry

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they have a mind of their own just like your penis

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so I think the only problem with the massage is

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if

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people think that it can accomplish more than they can

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gotcha okay you have a true spinal

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like improper fusion or stenosis

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that's impinging on a nerve root

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it's not a cure actually yeah

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so if you have a really bad problem

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that you need neurosurgical involvement

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and intervention for yeah

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massage isn't gonna fix like even sciatica

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it might make you feel a little bit better

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but we might need to get into cspine

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I think physical therapy and exercises can help

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but also massage doesn't hurt that right

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it it's used as an additive

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massage only hurts when you use it as

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I won't do anything else

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when really your body needs like something

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pretty aggressive follow up

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it says it says

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would you get mad if I got a happy ending

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this from Jamie I would get mad at that

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I'm just reading the question

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why is that even a fucking question

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I don't know where that question

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no I'm totally cool with you fucking the maid

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I would not get out

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I would not be interested in the happy ending

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I changed it up to anything in our life

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why would it ever be okay with you

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having sex with someone else

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by the way first of all

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what if I was getting a discount

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no

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I wanna be a discount with what fucking massage there

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I'm at the maid I was going with the maid

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I was wondering if there's any

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why would they take money off in all

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you touch your penis no offense

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I was that's right

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it'd be more it's like

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why was it five thousand dollars to clean the house

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Jamie yeah

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so look at that shit

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it was a thousand to clean the house

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4 thousand to not tell anybody

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keep it to yourself hold on

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would you get mad if someone got a happy ending

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hundred percent right do women get happy endings

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they ever go hey yeah okay

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now I'm fucking mad why I get more

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you know I get massages every month

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is there even a there's no happy ending for women

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I've never been offered one

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but you got a professional place

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what's wrong with me I've never been offered one either

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so where are you going

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nightly better places

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I said

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oh no do you mean you're a liar

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haha

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I don't think I've ever been offered a happy ending

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oh shit when when you were in Asia you said oh

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it was sketchy and that stuff could have happened

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and you shot it down no yeah

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I remember that vaguely well

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I thought you three things one

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I've never been offered a happy ending

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and I go to massages well

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I'm gonna change that maybe it's like the facility

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like they just would never offer that

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I don't go like around an alleyway and I'm like

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oh $10 right but $50 you can need me out however

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what you think they should charge more

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no I think that's a fair price okay

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all right well

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your turn so offered one no

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you told me that you were like

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in the vicinity of like the rub and tug

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yeah you know

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I thought you were talking about this one time

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but what makes me mad is as a woman

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it's never happened to me

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I don't want one

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but what a double stereotype there double standard

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like I'm professional I just need my back to not hurt

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but you go in and you're like

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I don't even have a back

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I just have a dick and balls right

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you find them

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I think a lot of times they don't even

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I don't know much about this

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they call them Robin Tugs in upstate New York

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God no I don't think they even massage you

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like some of these serious yeah

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I don't know

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I think there's one some of them are just like

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it's a front for massage okay

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well you're from New York

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and you partially live in New York

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New York with Gutfeld right

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uh huh so

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where do you go for massages when you're in New York

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the only time you're actually gonna say it

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I've ever gotten a massage in New York

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I was when she had her hand on your balls no

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this is a man and you might you might know the story

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but I'm gonna tell you again

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you can pretend you never the hose yeah

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well you can't

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you can tell me

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your mom's here at the beginning of the show

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spoiler alert so right

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it's really like that

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you're gonna say this one out loud

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so I go to my cold plunge place

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they have cold plunge and saunas

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it's my favorite place in New York City

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I like it so much

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I'm not gonna even say the name of it

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cause I don't want a bunch of people to go there

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if you wanna DM me I'm happy to tell you about this

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amazing place in New York City

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where you could do cold plunges and saunas

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okay

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you're cutting right to the what happened is they go

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would you they always come in they go

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you want any services today

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and the services are like they beat you with that leaf

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right that's like a leaf thing no

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don't say right like this is common

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I've never been beaten by vegetation yeah

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there's a thing at the cold plunged place

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the bathhouse where they beat with these leaves

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and it's really funny to do that's in public

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you do it in front of people

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and then there's another one that's like a

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it's these giant leaves and they pour hot water on you

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oh yeah yeah

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it's it's a I don't know what it does

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but they like fuck you Jamie

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yeah it's very aggressive

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but it's like you know

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then they massage you and you're in this hot song

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it's fun and they always say

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do you want any services and I always say no

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I say no

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and then one day I had a great appearance on Gutfeld

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I had nothing to that day and I go

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I'm going to treat myself and I look at the little

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there's like a little menu and I go and get a massage

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hmm now you've never

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you're obviously a woman and you've got massages

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I'm a man who get rarely gets massages

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and I go into a very very private room

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and the first thing that struck me is

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a little bit suspicious was

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the guy goes okay

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take all your clothes off

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but I'm like you know what

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I think sometimes you take all your clothes off

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and they put you know

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they put the sheet

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do you know they put the sheet over you

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no like you take your clothes off

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clothes off in a like locker room and put a robe on

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you don't just like

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fucking strip down with a person there

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yeah I did it within that

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and but you know

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they put the cloth over your private parts

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like they like a cloth like a sheet

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no yeah

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they did what do you mean

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but you're naked on the table

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they put there's a blanket

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you're not naked during a massage

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so they leave

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and then I take everything off

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and then I get under like on the table

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I put a sheet over myself

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yes so what I'm saying

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there is no one present during

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I understand but after you take off your clothes

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banana leaf after you take off your clothes

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you're in there and I'm just saying it's covered

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you're covered now with a fucking loincloth apparently

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I at least have a whole sheath

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why do you just have like a or sheath

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no I don't have any

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this is a separate service

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the leaf is a separate service in the massage

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and so still lost but okay

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I'm just saying I'm naked on the table

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and sometimes

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you absolutely will be naked during a massage

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you are but

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you have a sheet covering your most delicate of areas

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my whole body no sheet

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I'm laying on a table where was the sheet

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there's no sheet there is no sheet

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I was asking you around for it

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of course of course

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I was I was laying on a dirt no

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I'm very uncomfortable with this

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I'm like this I want just a massage

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and there's a guy that you didn't end it

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and no I felt like

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maybe this is what happens at the Turkish bathhouse

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and I'm trying to have an open mind

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and so I'm laying on this table

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no sheet no and I got it's my ass though

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it's just my ass and so the guy face down face down

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okay okay okay okay I'll give you that yeah

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and it hurts it hurts because I'm very hard no

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I'm gonna be serious for a minute

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I'm so uncomfortable

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and I'm laying with a face down on the table and I go

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what is happening

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but they're beating people with leaves that's unusual

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maybe

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this is something they do with the Turkish bathhouse

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now I'm not familiar just you

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it's just me in a tiny room

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but it's like a like a bathroom like a stall

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you can feel under over

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it's real shitty all around the balls yeah

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and so funny you should say that

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funny you should say that this is true story

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he starts massaging me and he's getting dangerously

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dangerously close to my package and I'm like wow

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this is uncomfortable

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but I'm face down so then he goes

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this feels so dumb not telling you this

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because I should have left

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but I but I kept thinking

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maybe this is the way things are done

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so guess what he says to me

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he goes turn over on your back

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and I'm hesitant and he goes relax gross relax okay

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I just

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the way you say that he was massaging me

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and at one point

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he picked up my penis and moved it over to the side

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to massage he was like

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oh massage is like

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like just the inside of my groin

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I can massage like

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I can leave the area between your leg and your balls

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yeah did you move your balls

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no no

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no he moved

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it was like this and he goes and he goes like this

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it was like he's trying to be like so lie about it

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but why didn't he have like a towel or something

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just throw it over all the junk and move it out

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well he should have

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I think that's what the what the thing was and um

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do you wanna know

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so I've told you already this whole thing is sketchy

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but please continue and so I'm gonna tell you

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I'm gonna tell you the kind of person I am

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okay so to back up

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he takes a hose and kind of washes

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like my button stuff which I don't remember

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you're so flipped face down at this point no

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I'm back on face up now how do you wash your ass

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then he went under yeah eww

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you didn't tell me that

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I know you wrote a root of the shit out of yourself

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he really did he Jesus

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I hope you tipped him all funny you should ask that

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that's what I wanna ask you

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that's what I wanna ask you

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I mean you can't give him like 100 bucks and he's like

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well here's the thing

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he hoses me two bucks he'll be like

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what did I do wrong he hoses me off

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I'm so now I'm very uncomfortable

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this whole thing makes me uncomfortable

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I'm so uncomfortable and I go

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I just gotta get out of here

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and so I go to leave and I'm leaving and I go

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I'm never ever doing that again

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I might never come back here again

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oh ho ho ho

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and I'm leaving and they go

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oh you gotta pay

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do you know I'm such a nice guy

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leave him

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I leave him a 20% tip for what I think is close

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is that the appropriate part though

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like think about it

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I I genuinely believe this

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if you left a huge tip he'd be like

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oh he want more next time yeah

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if you left nothing he'd be offended like

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oh God but why do I care if this man's offending

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offended

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he just did what I think feels very inappropriate

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even for another culture

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the whole thing was inappropriate okay

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so I still tipped 20% so it was a horrible experience

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you got fondled you shouldn't have been

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it was not good for my health

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you didn't he didn't even ask for like consent

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he just did it yeah

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that's the part that bothers me oh

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he never said like oh

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is this okay no

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he just was more presumed relax okay

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so all of that sucks but this is my question for you

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did you cancel your membership

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no I go there all the time

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well the

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but the membership is for the bat

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like this is just an extra Jamie sure

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I bet I'm yep you took me there once

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I'm the only straight guy in there

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I'm one of a few straight guys

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so maybe it's my fault maybe this is like a

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I think you need to find a new Turkish bathhouse

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hey the place we went to was really cool

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and they were respectful the other one yeah

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you and me

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we went to two of them just to just to clarify

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we went to the place that I we didn't

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we walked outside the one where we had services

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where we actually did shit yes

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yes

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and we were naked and nobody and we were together naked

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no one did anything inappropriate

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and then we were like all those like

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pools and like summer professionals

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and nothing happened

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so I think that you're just in the wrong place yeah

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and I think that we're sure that guy needs to be kept

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you know

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I was in the wrong place that fucking hose his hand

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his hand the hose

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his mouth where is his mouth okay

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I'll space up I can see what was face up

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I said where was his mouth no

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no I mean I could see he said I was face up I mean

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I could see him with that face up all right

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wow

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isn't it weird though let me ask you this before we met

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thank goodness here's what I think is

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one of the most intriguing parts of that story is

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why do we feel like we need to

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I get people go like

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I don't wanna tip everybody for just making my coffee

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and it's bullshit I don't have a problem with that

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I feel like these are hard jobs

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and I'm gonna tip these folks

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and I don't care if they make me a black coffee

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they're getting a tip

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I don't mind I think about if it was my son

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I hope he get an extra dollar these jobs aren't easy

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actually really nice

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but I have a problem with the whole

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I tip people did fucking suck because I'm too nice

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this guy almost he probably did something

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that I could have complained about

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or maybe this is borderline

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and I tip him because I'm so nice no

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but that's your fault because you so go there

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uh huh so

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you're basically showing that you were still okay with

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overall your experience

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because you still attend that place

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and still pay a membership yeah

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but what about the tip part

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you ever get bad service and you still tip somebody

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have you ever left a zero

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I just got an Uber to a hotel

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and I was carrying a giant box

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and the guy wouldn't drop me off

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right in front of the hotel

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he was like I can't go in there

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should take me like a couple minutes to get out

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cause I go dude

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I have a giant box and he wouldn't why wouldn't he

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he just said he wouldn't

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he said he didn't wanna get stuck in there

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then fuck him you know

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when you drive into a hotel

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you're in like the valet thing

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I think people work really hard for their money

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and in general

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what you said like even if they make a black coffee

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they just tip because it's built into their salary

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the guy someone's a jerk

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that's a difference

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the guy that left me to walk with my box yeah

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I tipped him 20% well you're nice

Speaker:

it's not nice though to to be feel like guilt once

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once one time I can remember writing on a Bill

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next time try not to be such a bitch wow

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and for you to write that

Speaker:

I'm thinking this person was a huge bitch

Speaker:

I feel really guilty that I did that it was awful

Speaker:

I mean this woman yelled at us like screamed at us

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refused to serve us served other people

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we've been there for three hours

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three hours wow

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and she actually came up and said like

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they weren't even that busy and she was just like

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what I took a smoke break like horrible

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like horrible and she was mean

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like she threw threw our plate down and said

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here you go and we didn't even complain

Speaker:

where were you I was in Las Vegas Jeez

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right before I saw thunder from down under

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thunder from down under

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the fuck sorry was us trying guys yes

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it was a dinner with my friend Bonnie

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right before you guys

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I told you

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I used to share a dressing room with the Thunder

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you did I think it's so great yeah

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I feel like you are so perfect

Speaker:

and they were probably like

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what the fuck is in this guy

Speaker:

in our show I just never came up

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but it makes me happy that like

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not a million women rubbed you raw

Speaker:

I remember I was at the Catch Rising Star 20 years ago

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and I it was my first time headlining Vegas

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and I went downstairs and there was the biggest line

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to get into the showroom when I go

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this is Vegas I have made it

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this is amazing and they go the green rooms there

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and I go in and there are men

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ripped men oiling each other up

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and I go fuck is this

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and come to find out there's no one at my show

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every single woman in line is there

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see the thunder from down under okay

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so no penises at the

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thunder from down under is just covered up

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it's either they're clothed

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did they flop it out

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no no

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it's fine I just never been I got pulled on stage

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oh good

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haha

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it's weird that I'm the one that got asked to do it

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you're the one that did it

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I was really nervous

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I didn't think they pulled me on stage

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it was a bachelorette party for a girl

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I didn't even know and I just went

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cause like she was a friend of a friend of a friend

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and they chose me out of the audience

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and I got very nervous and I just laid there

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there's a definitely did things you can just

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you cannot answer this if you don't want to

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I don't like this

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you cannot answer this if you don't want to

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okay I was just gonna say what say we get married

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I'm just throwing out a super super just that case

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say a person gets married to somebody

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and you find out at the bachelorette party

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there were someone hired a couple strippers

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I would be upset about that

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would you eat what if I had nothing to do with it

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and they try to surprise

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because your friends are assholes

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and I don't understand the truthfully

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I do not understand the basher bachelorette party

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especially when it's the night before the last hurrah

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I have to see other vaginas and boobs

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and dicks and malls no

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if you're happy you don't need like a last hurrah

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it's for all your single friends who are

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pieces of shit

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who wanna justify to their girlfriends and boyfriends

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that they wanted to go fuck around

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if you're getting married

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you don't need that do you know that

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if you do then you shouldn't get married

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so you're not alone in this thinking

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there's a an article just came out about a year ago

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we covered it on Gutfeld that said there is this

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there is this wave of people

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this new generation of people

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that completely agree with you

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that think the bachelorette party

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in the bachelor party

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are causing some people to get divorced oh

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it's extremely archaic because of what happens is

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so they're saying no more no

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they're not gonna do it anymore what about a dowry

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there's

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so many things that are associated with marriage

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the white wedding dress because the woman is pure

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but the guy can wear fucking black cause he's a slut

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pain the man so the white is

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cause you're supposed to be pure and virgins are white

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when my when I got married to my ex wife

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I thought she had fallen on the way in

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that's how it wasn't white it was covered with

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that's how um interesting

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so I think that bashra and bashtrip parts

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and I've done a joint one with one of my friends

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I actually organized the whole thing

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I think that's a good relationship

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joint bachelor bachelor of guys fight though

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because he got a lap dance and went upstairs oh

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it a strip club known

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I thought you meant bachelor bachelorette party

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we have a party no

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they went to a strip club in Vegas

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I changed my mind I think if you have I would never

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you're not ready to

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I would never do that don't have that kind of

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but that's the thing

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like if you wanna do it whatever to each their own

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but if you wanna do that

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you're not ready to get married

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like why do you have to have one last vagina

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like I feel like it's extremely disrespectful yeah

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you're

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how would you feel if like the night before I was like

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I just need one more dick on my face yikes

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I didn't know it was gonna escalate to that well

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one more makes me really um

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I would not like it no

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no I would not like it

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I think that I when I hate strip clubs in general

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so they can go fuck themselves

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but uh

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I I think that

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the whole premise of a bachelor bachelorette party

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needs to end to be quite honest

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you should be celebrating your nuptials

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and happy with the other person

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you don't have to like go out on the whim to like

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fuck somebody I feel like if you had a video

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when you're invoking a lot of temptation

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when it doesn't need to be absolutely

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absolutely I think that if you had a video

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just hypothetically of the way a guy

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his bachelor party went I'll bet

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there's a correlation between

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how the bachelor party was

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versus how the relationship is well

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and think about this too

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if you go to a bachelor party and you're like

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having fun and you go crazy and you drink a lot

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which I mean let's be honest

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that's usually what happens the only reason you go

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but then you wake up and you're fucking hungover

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for your wedding yeah yeah

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I've heard stories I'm sure you have too

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of like how the wedding was fucking destroyed

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because the guy was a piece of shit

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barfing at the aisle yeah

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like falling over have you ever heard that story

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and then the other spouse

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and I'm not always saying it's the guy

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the woman is just as guilty

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if she goes on a bachelorette party and gets shit

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canned and for disaster

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and is like oh I saw 500 dicks last night yeah

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I love you it's a recipe for disaster

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I need a temptation bad idea

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we're not in favor I had a um

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when I got married I had a

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do you have one we hired a stripper in Alaska wait

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wait wait

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wait wait wait

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wait wait

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hold on is this true and look at me look at me wait

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we are stripping Alaska

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and I think you're scared to look at me

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she was true she was hourly and we

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by the time she got her snow pants off

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we're out of money

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alright tell me the truth

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no no

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sorry I ruined your joke

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I ruined your joke

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but I honestly thought you were like trying

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I'm being insanely silly alright

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did you have a bachelor party

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didn't have bachelor I did have a bachelor party

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did you now I did have a bachelor party

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tell me the detail it was not great

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a friend of mine organized it and when I got there

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it was a there were like 10 guys there

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and I only knew two of them

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that's dumb and then they were trying to hire a girl

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they were trying to hire like a stripper

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and then there

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the negotiations broke down and there was never um

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no one ever came

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so was it like someone's house in Vegas

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had drinks in Las Vegas what you do then

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just gambled

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well that's what you get

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but that's a fun bachelor party

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that's what it should be

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did you hear the part where they try to get the girl

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and the negotiations broke down

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fell through and I think that's cool

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you know what I think is fun

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why can't a last hurrah b

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I'm single with my friends

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having fun without the responsibility

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to check in with my significant other

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like I don't think that's disrespectful because

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you know

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you mean like a night off of of being with this person

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you mean just like a guys night

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like a last day of freedom haha yeah

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I feel like in a way that's not disrespectful

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because it's exactly reciprocal for the other gender

Speaker:

like I'd love one night off from you

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but not because I don't like you and I need a space

Speaker:

but it's a concept of like once you're married

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you check in every night

Speaker:

and this is the silly silly like oh

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let's go have fun let's stay out late

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let's do a girls night in mind

Speaker:

you girls nights are like spas and fucking

Speaker:

laughing at strippers we're not fuck like

Speaker:

should you not be able to do that though once married

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shouldn't you or you mean like symbolically

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that you're kind of symbolically

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because we have to eradicate the notion of the basher

Speaker:

bachelorette party of strippers

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and the last time you could have sex

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I mean

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I think a lot of people actually embrace the like

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this is the last day

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that I can't have sex with anyone else

Speaker:

so let's fucking go all out

Speaker:

like how would you feel if if I fucked someone that I

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before we got married

Speaker:

and I think that that has really changed

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I would

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I would hate it even if it was any day before after we

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yeah I think it's changed

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I don't think a lot of people do that now

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but some people still do because they don't have that

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the ring on their finger

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they don't have the the piece of paper

Speaker:

I think we need to

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as a society migrate into emotional maturity

Speaker:

which good luck with that shit

Speaker:

but whatever people need to like

Speaker:

if you're gonna get married

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be nice to your spouse

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you don't have to fuck other people

Speaker:

you don't have to think about fucking other people

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you don't have to look at a dick

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I hate the like

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cheesiness of like penis popsicles and penis straws oh

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so do I penis is on a fucking veil

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I love Jesus Christ first of all

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I never want a dick near my face ever uh huh uh huh

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it's true look

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ever I never want a dick near my face okay

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let alone a veil

Speaker:

but why is it this commodity where I have to have dick

Speaker:

ice cubes you know it's weird for a man it's like no

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give me an actual pussy yeah

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it is weird too though that you're right

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it is weird to the

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that the girls love to do little penis things

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you don't see guys pouring like

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gravy out of a big vagina thing

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why is it gravy the only thing I could think of

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that was shaped like a vagina

Speaker:

the gravy thing in Thanksgiving gravy

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my whole this whole time

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I've been trying to think of

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what could be shaped like a vagina gravy

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great what is it called

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do you know how many foods and flowers

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and things in nature look like

Speaker:

a vagina and a vulva

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by the way get it right

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Vagina is the entrance and the muscles

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that surround everything and are internal externals

Speaker:

vulva so 1

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name it correctly get it right 2

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a gravy fucking boat it's all I can think of really

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yeah is it like white gravy with a pepper with biscuits

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or is it like thick brown shit

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it's what's coming out of my vagina right now

Speaker:

so I can think of what one

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it's all I can think of was though

Speaker:

but you're right women

Speaker:

you made a great point

Speaker:

you said women want to have the penis pops first

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and all the things and

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wow okay

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gravy boat it's all I could think of

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I was trying to think like

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curtains for every Thanksgiving

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going there curtains

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um

Speaker:

Wanna hear one more question for somebody

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no okay

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I mean I guess so

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but I'm still thinking of like

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fucking a can of thick beef

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chunky gravy

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and you associate that to my wonderfulness

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that was not my intention

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well you fucking said it

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only I can think of a shape like a Volvo

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Volvo Volvo

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did you just call me a car

Speaker:

not trying to do this on purpose flustered

Speaker:

hey everyone listening

Speaker:

Jamie is now a new virgin indefinitely

Speaker:

I'm not even joking

Speaker:

fucking masturbate with a can of gravy

Speaker:

I'm gonna go buy you one Heinz

Speaker:

all right jerk your beef

Speaker:

I heard this question fuck off

Speaker:

it actually made me upset

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ready no

Speaker:

I'm still recovering are you

Speaker:

yeah super offensive

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oh I'm sorry

Speaker:

it's all I could think of

Speaker:

I don't say that to you but you're right

Speaker:

we don't have penis the men of the penis popsicles

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no herbs sorry

Speaker:

the women have all the penis accoutrements

Speaker:

and the guys actually go out

Speaker:

and sometimes sleep with an actual woman

Speaker:

that you made a great point

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with that one

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nope you're still in our house

Speaker:

all I'm hearing is gravy gravy gravy

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I'm almost 70 and I'm happy to say my thing still works

Speaker:

will I wake up one day and it won't

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well I hope Jamie

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yes one day it stops when he talks about gravy boats

Speaker:

also is there an upper limit on Viagra

Speaker:

this is a great question I don't wanna go there

Speaker:

I'm mad at you for gravy bumps

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yeah that's all I can think of

Speaker:

I offended it's all I can think of

Speaker:

we can delete it let it out of our lives

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I wish we could go back and edit it out of our

Speaker:

of real life and your Fox

Speaker:

you can't it's ingrained

Speaker:

yes men can't have sex after a certain age

Speaker:

and every man is different

Speaker:

but eventually they become impotent

Speaker:

which is why sodenophyl for example

Speaker:

Viagra xialis

Speaker:

are great options for men to achieve its insane

Speaker:

or an erection and orgasm

Speaker:

the problem is women

Speaker:

their spouses have vaginal dryness post menopause

Speaker:

and a lot of men selfishly just wanna fuck

Speaker:

and they don't realize that their partner is dry

Speaker:

and also has vaginal atrophy

Speaker:

as you age and you lose female dominated hormones

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such as estrogen I love you

Speaker:

your external vulvar region actually thins

Speaker:

it becomes like paper thin

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like crepe paper yeah

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and it can sheer bleed become extremely painful

Speaker:

urintroidous

Speaker:

the opening of your vagina can become smaller

Speaker:

tighter and very difficult to expand

Speaker:

so now you have a man who goes to his doctor and says

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I want Viagra

Speaker:

and the doctor is like I can fix you

Speaker:

and then you have a woman who is in fucking pain

Speaker:

and the guy wants to fucking go inside

Speaker:

and it rips her open and she bleeds

Speaker:

and it why don't we use

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uh don't we

Speaker:

isn't that a that sounds like a weird circumstance

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between two people that don't communicate

Speaker:

it's extremely common oh

Speaker:

why don't we go hey

Speaker:

it's unfortunate women are embarrassed to admit that

Speaker:

they lose the ability to have pleasureful sex

Speaker:

much earlier than men they do

Speaker:

I thought it was women later men

Speaker:

it's marketed as oh

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you want a better erection

Speaker:

ask your doctor about this

Speaker:

or they can't even say low testosterone

Speaker:

or impotence or erectile dysfunction

Speaker:

they say low t hmm

Speaker:

it's cute it's cute

Speaker:

because you're all dumbasses who can't admit that you

Speaker:

sorry I'm angry

Speaker:

because you can't admit that

Speaker:

like you have a medical problem

Speaker:

just own it but women walk in with eye

Speaker:

vaginal dryness eye of pain

Speaker:

whatever but most of my female patients will say

Speaker:

I'm embarrassed because I'm not fulfilling my husband

Speaker:

my male patients come in and say

Speaker:

I can't fucking get an erection

Speaker:

so how old do you think 70s and 80s

Speaker:

and the problem is there's not a good

Speaker:

communicative response between both of my patients

Speaker:

the women feel guilty

Speaker:

they're not so satisfying their partner

Speaker:

the men are unhappy they can't have an orgasm

Speaker:

do you see the difference

Speaker:

the men are saying I can't please my wife

Speaker:

the women are saying I can't please my husband

Speaker:

so there's this correlation

Speaker:

and then on top of that then the men are like

Speaker:

well give me the medicine that gets my dick hard

Speaker:

and I'm like well

Speaker:

I can here's all the risks

Speaker:

benefits and side effects

Speaker:

and then I prescribe it but often you have to say

Speaker:

can you look at your partner and see what she needs to

Speaker:

yeah I was gonna say

Speaker:

why would you want to have awesome sex

Speaker:

if it hurts the love of your life

Speaker:

of course and I was gonna say

Speaker:

as a doctor if it that

Speaker:

is that something you would do

Speaker:

you would say you would

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you would say hey

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before this happens I wanna let you know

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this thing's gonna be in good shape

Speaker:

medicine is gonna work

Speaker:

make sure use a little lubrication yeah

Speaker:

make sure you talk to your person

Speaker:

cause if a woman can say

Speaker:

maybe you could step in and give that advice

Speaker:

well that's what upsets me

Speaker:

and if it was the opposite gender

Speaker:

I would feel equally upset that like

Speaker:

it's such a sensitive issue

Speaker:

people are embarrassed to ask about

Speaker:

it doesn't matter who it is

Speaker:

if one person is uncomfortable

Speaker:

you have to make sure that their needs are met too

Speaker:

and they don't feel embarrassed to tell you

Speaker:

their needs so yeah

Speaker:

I absolutely have conversations with men

Speaker:

I I mean

Speaker:

I do women's health so I don't see a lot of men

Speaker:

but when I do yeah

Speaker:

you have to say listen

Speaker:

I'm gonna help you but let me ask you this question

Speaker:

so the question is like I'm almost 70 right

Speaker:

still works so you're saying it will still work

Speaker:

these are like

Speaker:

other things we should make sure we're being aware of

Speaker:

and maybe you're even saying

Speaker:

that's not the question

Speaker:

he should necessarily be focused on right

Speaker:

like

Speaker:

is there is there a time that you wake up

Speaker:

and is this like a sex drive thing

Speaker:

I don't want to or is this like

Speaker:

I can't get it to this is a real

Speaker:

it's a real thing

Speaker:

that got me thinking when I saw this question

Speaker:

cause I was like it's so interesting that sex

Speaker:

and having sex seems like such a big part of life that

Speaker:

that one day you wake up

Speaker:

and it wouldn't be part of life

Speaker:

you know that it wouldn't be something you get to do

Speaker:

or look forward to and it really got me

Speaker:

thinking and I was gonna ask you

Speaker:

I feel like it must have to

Speaker:

obviously people are so different

Speaker:

and by the time you're 70 or 80

Speaker:

the choices you have made in your life are really

Speaker:

we're really starting to see

Speaker:

what kind of choices you made

Speaker:

do you smoke and drink every day

Speaker:

are you out of shape do you have you know

Speaker:

high blood pressure do you have whatever

Speaker:

I would guess

Speaker:

the better you are at taking care of yourself

Speaker:

this numbers higher like if I've been

Speaker:

maybe that's a dumb obvious thing to say

Speaker:

but I would say it's not dumb

Speaker:

I do believe it's obvious

Speaker:

if you think about um

Speaker:

all of the reasons that people have impotence

Speaker:

or difficulty even achieving an erection

Speaker:

first place level on sustaining it

Speaker:

and then having an orgasm

Speaker:

age is part of it I mean

Speaker:

unfortunately as we get older

Speaker:

it's not as easy to happen

Speaker:

that sucks right

Speaker:

but yeah if you have diabetes

Speaker:

high blood sugar high blood pressure

Speaker:

um if you're more overly obese

Speaker:

if you have hypertension

Speaker:

chronic corbidities absolutely exacerbate the problem

Speaker:

so yes there's a benefit to having a healthy lifestyle

Speaker:

so Pablo Picasso was 68 when he had his last kid what

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yeah

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holy shit so I guess you just need to be a painter

Speaker:

Pablo Vagaso the kid is 60 years old

Speaker:

is that a world record I don't know

Speaker:

look it up I don't know the world record

Speaker:

but what I always reference that people ask me look

Speaker:

am I old too old to have sex

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no absolutely enjoy the pleasure

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enjoy it

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and I think they're saying

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I don't know if I can't or I don't know if I can

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I'm sure they want to enjoy it

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but isn't it more like they're going

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do I wake up one day it doesn't work

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well the reason I reference that is not only could

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he could and would enjoy it

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like awesome but he

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he ejaculated if he had a kid at 68

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he did he didn't

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he didn't just have sex yeah

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which makes me feel very awkward

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I'm talking about renowned painter haze

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oh I would think can I now keep in mind

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I'm not a doctor phallus

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I would say old guy sperm not nearly is like

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as far as like what the kids gonna be like healthwise

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is gonna be not nearly as um

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important as the age of the woman

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well correct

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unfortunately women um

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with eggs I told you this in a previous podcast

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which I think is really interesting

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women are born with

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the amount of eggs that they will have

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for their entire life whereas men regenerate sperm

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your bodies keep creating sperm

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women don't keep creating eggs

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so like you have them for life

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so it's like bitcoin there's only so many

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really

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I don't know if that's how it works

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I see what you're saying

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okay

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you just compared my OVA to a bitcoin

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only in the sense that they're finite

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I think they only make some

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so you're saying that they're more like

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rare and beautiful exactly guarded

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exactly not that they changed the economy

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and probably will phase out soon

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I think it comes back up I don't know

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so the answer is it really

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really depends how

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women's eggs definitely do not last as long as men

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sperm as far as for your age specifically

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is much more dangerous

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for women to conceive after age 35

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and then after 40 or a cutoffs and then continuing

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man not so much yeah

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but that's part of it

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it increases the chance of like toratogenicity

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genetic abnormalities um

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obstetric complications essentially

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gotcha and so okay

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I kind of changed our subject there instead

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like having kids but I guess the point being

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try to be healthy and to just get it up

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yeah to just

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to just have sex go for it

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yeah yeah

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just make sure that your partner satisfied too

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yeah

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and to make the likelihood that you can still get up

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as you get older

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try to be healthy and do the stuff right exercise

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I'd be sad if you couldn't have sex with me

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when you were 70 that's way too

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not in like a couple years that's way too

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that's way too young

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that's way too young

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hey do you ever um

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I don't know if girls have this discussion but we

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you love that you love that one

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I well

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let's be honest if we're gonna go there

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it's not that I love that you're older

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it's me giving shit that you love younger women

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I don't love younger women really

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I've dated a few younger women

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and it was all their own mistakes

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you know 20s

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late 20s how old were you

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40s gross

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I know it was the biggest stage gap you ever had

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hmm

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um 15

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eww you fucking perv

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everyone was legal

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give me like her digits just so I can be like

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I'm sorry on his behalf

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um it was a mistake almost across the board honestly

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why did you like younger women

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I didn't it was just I didn't like them

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no you didn't

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I didn't like younger women

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it was uh

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it was just what happened every single time

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it was how I happen

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who I happen to meet every single time

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but it was a you've met older women too

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let's talk about your average age demographic

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for your Gutfeld show hmm true

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but that is kind of a newer

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newer phenomena for me oh okay

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so yeah so if it had been now

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I could have been like

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I only dated 7 year olds before you

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which I love my 7 year olds

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do not get me wrong love my fans 60

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70s and 80s as my people

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you saw them I like your fans

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they're the best shit no

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no they're the greatest women

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I'm not gonna talk shit about you

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I told you a lady message me

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they're awesome isn't this fine honest

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this lady message me she goes

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if I was she goes

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I told you she goes if I was 50 years younger

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I thought that was so funny

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cause usually people go like

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oh if I was 20 years younger she said fifty I go

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how old are you

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might be triple digits I thought that was very sweet

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I think that your fans are perfect

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you know I like your fans

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I like them

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because they are emotionally mature enough to like

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appreciate you for your art

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without like trying to well hold on

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I was gonna say without trying to grab your dick

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but you just have that happen

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who got your dick

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is it the older ones or the younger ones

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that was like a

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I would say you call like a cougar or something

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I would say like a 50s okay

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60s I think your fans are wonderful

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I think they're polite and respectful for the best

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minus the cougar

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do you know that you're grabbing Cougar

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I was at a show not fuck you dick grabbing cougar

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he's my boyfriend that's right

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but ass grabbing seems like more of an old woman thing

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oh you know why

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because I think a lot of grandmas will be like

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pincher cheese that's right

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or they'll like smack you on the butt almost like you

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silly boy and I think you're right

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I almost I don't feel like a sexual

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I still don't like it

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cause for you and me it feels sexual

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yeah but I wonder if we're 70 and 80 year olds

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it's almost like a oh

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go take your vitamins I think it's more silly

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yeah absolutely

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but I'm not justifying it

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that's your personal space

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but absolutely I was it um

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as a Minneapolis do they have whips too and handcuffs

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who my

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my fans well

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I mean that no

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this is just the whole thing

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just a pinch on the cheek in public

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the back cheek I had this cell that one

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it's happened more than once

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and it was absolutely before

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what do they do are they

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well I don't know

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set this legals you can't control that

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it's always when they're really drunk

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and they're with a bunch of people

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and they're like riled up

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and it's if it's women

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if it's a bunch of women together

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it's always crazy

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because I feel like when the Bachelorette party

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bullshit yeah

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cause I think if if guys are there

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same with a bunch of guys

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there's a drunk guys too but

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I think you have

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the checks and balances of having your partner there

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you don't get so crazy

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but this woman went up and she goes

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they're taking a picture with me and she grabs my

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like touches my stomach and I'm like

Speaker:

I don't love that but whatever

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and then she goes and just grab she grabbed yeah

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I'm telling you

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I that's the problem and if that happens

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I'm always like at least buy a T-shirt

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don't just come in here and do that

Speaker:

without picking up some merch

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what do I get out of it

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okay haha I love my but this guy I was at this club

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I don't wanna say where I just said

Speaker:

but I wanna take it out but I was at this club and um

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the bartender oh really offended me about my fans he

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I was I was sitting at the bar and he was like God

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I've never seen you know you know

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so there's no young people here

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there's no whatever

Speaker:

and I let him talk and talk and talk and I said

Speaker:

and he goes to see do like older people jokes

Speaker:

and I was sitting at the corner of the barn

Speaker:

I was getting so angry and I let him talk and talk

Speaker:

and then the manager came over and said why

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you ask him he's right here and um

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this young dude turned around and I said

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let me tell you about my fans and I said

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they are established

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they're my age they're not older older people

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they're my age and older and I go

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they are established they are mature

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they're gonna drink and tip you really well

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because they're in they're in the age group

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they have jobs sloppy asshole

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kicked out every sloppy asshole drunks and I really

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really like felt like I gave a speech to this man

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and he he could have given a fuck

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that was what blew when I said

Speaker:

when you called me and you were like

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this guy was talking shit

Speaker:

I was right there at the bar and I was waiting

Speaker:

and then I turned around and I was like

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it's me motherfucker he wasn't like

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oh shit he was like yeah

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he did not care fans can suck a dick

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he did not care well I guess that's why

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he's 20 years old and hasn't Learned yet

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we have to go but next up

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oh great question about uh one of your specialties

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oh birth control I don't yeah

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I don't mean with us personally I mean professionally

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you're very good birth control

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he looks me get away yes

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and we got some great question about birth control

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and some other stuff and that

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thank goodness people I'm excited about this one

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we're not afraid that coming up on the next episode of

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afraid to ask

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you know I've never noticed

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but you know that I have a tattoo on my ass since

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how's my fucking because I like the accountability

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I go let's keep me on my a game why is it on your ass

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so if people can see about oh

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I see what you're saying I'd like to redo it

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I was imagining someone's watching me have sex with

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you fucking like

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behind is what I want

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okay well these are logistics that backfired

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it should be on my yeah but you could be on your ass

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I was picture was a 3rd party

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because you could be on my ass

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why would a tattoo be on your ass

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cause people walking by

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cause I was pretending I was like a porn star

Speaker:

people were like I'm gonna call up this guy

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but they wouldn't see it unless you were naked

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and who sees your ass if you're naked

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you know what I'm not gonna really do it now

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I'm just cause you made a lot of great points

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now I'm thinking about two boners

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About the Podcast

Afraid to Ask
Prescriptions from the Doctor. Punchlines from the Comedian.
Comedian Jamie Lissow and his smarter half Dr. Erika answer all kinds of medical, dating, sex, divorce, questions some might be afraid to ask. Listen & subscribe for prescriptions and punchlines.

About your hosts

Jamie Lissow

Profile picture for Jamie Lissow
Actor and comedian Jamie Lissow is currently a regular weekly guest on the #1 rated late night talk show, Gutfeld! on Fox. Jamie is best known for his starring role in two seasons of the Netflix Original Series “Real Rob”, alongside SNL alums Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, Norm MacDonald and David Spade; a show Jamie co-wrote and co-produced.

Jamie has appeared on The Tonight Show, The Late Late Show, Last Comic Standing, has his own half hour Comedy Central special and a Dry Bar Comedy Special with over 20 Million views. Jamie recently wrapped his first movie, Daddy Daughter Trip, where he appears alongside John Cleese, Rob Schneider, and Micheal Bublé - a movie he co-wrote and produced.

Jamie is currently working on the feature film, The Animal 2, for Fox/Tubi and continues to headline comedy clubs across the country.

Erika Aragona

Profile picture for Erika Aragona
Dr. Erika, DO, is a board-certified Family Medicine physician who focuses on Women's Health and Wellness. Her clinical practice is almost exclusively female-based, and she regularly educates on contraception, hormone replacement therapy, libido and sexual health. She is an associate professor at Idaho College of Osteopathic Medicine, where she lectures on Women's Health, and she serves as a physician expert consultant and writer for several female-based health and wellness companies.