Prostates and Prostitutes - Part 02
In this episode of Afraid to Ask, comedian Jamie Lissow and his more studied half Dr. Erika discuss why people lying leads to doctors being late to your appointment. And our differing opinions on people loudly having sex in the hotel room next to us in Vegas.
About the Podcast
Comedian Jamie Lissow and his smarter half Dr. Erika answer all kinds of medical, dating, sex, divorce, questions some might be afraid to ask. Listen & subscribe for prescriptions and punchlines.
Mentioned in this episode:
Warning:
This is an uncensored podcast that will include adult language and topics. Viewer discretion is advised.
Transcript
check 1 2 well
Speaker:hello there boyfriend how are you this fine day
Speaker:I'm really good is it working
Speaker:yes excellent let's not touch shit I'm afraid to ask
Speaker:but I have a great question
Speaker:I don't even know what I was gonna say
Speaker:I'm so disturbed right now
Speaker:this woman's boyfriend got a hernia while masturbating
Speaker:they would like to come into the doctor's office
Speaker:and lie
Speaker:but they're wondering is that gonna is that gonna hurt
Speaker:you know let's do that diagnosis but what's diagnosis
Speaker:prognosis prognosis is what you have diagnosis
Speaker:diagnosis is what you are told is your disease
Speaker:or the pathology or your medical condition
Speaker:prognosis is do we anticipate a good or bad outcome oh
Speaker:I love it okay
Speaker:so you can choose which one you like oh
Speaker:let's let's do the lying one alright
Speaker:people lying to doctors man
Speaker:they do it all the time okay
Speaker:worst lie ever or do you
Speaker:you go ahead with however you'd like to approach it
Speaker:you want me to start you told me once that often times
Speaker:we talked about it on here that you run late
Speaker:the reason doctors run late sometimes
Speaker:is because
Speaker:people are lying about an embarrassing thing
Speaker:and they go like oh
Speaker:I just wanna see if I have the flu all the time
Speaker:you go in all the sudden it's like
Speaker:I got a rash
Speaker:please look at my testicles yes
Speaker:and what you and that is so detrimental to me
Speaker:being on task and on time
Speaker:because I will look at what you're coming in for
Speaker:day before and I will give you a 10 minute
Speaker:20 minute 30 minute
Speaker:40 minute slot based on your complaint
Speaker:so if you say inhaler refill
Speaker:okay no complaints
Speaker:just needs blood pressure check cool right
Speaker:and then you come in and you're like well
Speaker:when I pee it's purple yeah
Speaker:I'm like oh
Speaker:because I've also looked up the chart
Speaker:and I've looked at like if you had a lung X ray
Speaker:or like a chest X ray of your lungs right
Speaker:or have you had pulmonary function test
Speaker:or all this stuff to treat you for your inhaler
Speaker:or whatever and then I've wasted all this time
Speaker:and you come in and you're like
Speaker:I need to talk about my purple pee
Speaker:I'm like what the hell
Speaker:and then I have to go look at all those tests
Speaker:by the way for anyone that missed it
Speaker:we did cover in a previous episode
Speaker:what color your pee should be
Speaker:I believe the answer is
Speaker:do you remember the color of a highlighter no
Speaker:no nice retention skills
Speaker:apple juice apple juice
Speaker:thank you very much second try
Speaker:you got these
Speaker:you got these vitamins for us that are like special
Speaker:doctor vitamin
Speaker:oh man isn't it funny
Speaker:it's like I can pee though cooler green
Speaker:yellow neon
Speaker:I peed it 2 in the morning
Speaker:it woke me up I feel like you're radioactive
Speaker:it's amazing
Speaker:what do you think about specifically this person
Speaker:as far as this exact injury
Speaker:is this common actual question can you read it
Speaker:oh my gosh
Speaker:I wish I wish I had it I'm gonna be honest oh
Speaker:I know where I put it
Speaker:I don't well while you're searching for it
Speaker:you asked me the worst lie that I ever had
Speaker:I got was oh
Speaker:you found it already finish your thought please oh
Speaker:I mean I've had a ton of
Speaker:of similar things that you were saying
Speaker:where it becomes like a genital concern
Speaker:or erectile dysfunction
Speaker:when they said that they had hypertension
Speaker:the worst one that I ever had though
Speaker:was when someone came in
Speaker:and she describes an entire car accident
Speaker:that she was involved in she said she got t boned
Speaker:and described where the other vehicle hit her
Speaker:and where she was wearing the seatbelt
Speaker:how it hurt her clavicle and how fast she was going
Speaker:how fast the other car was going
Speaker:and there's another medical student in with me
Speaker:doing the whole intake
Speaker:we stepped out presented to her attending
Speaker:kind of like you see on doctor shows
Speaker:told the whole story
Speaker:I described the whole car accident
Speaker:airbag didn't deploy she was able to get out
Speaker:she didn't have any head trauma LA di da
Speaker:this is why she's having shoulder pain
Speaker:excellent presentation a fucking a plus
Speaker:we walk in the room and he goes okay
Speaker:so nice to see you
Speaker:I'm so sorry to hear about your car accident she goes
Speaker:I never got in a car accident
Speaker:what are you talking about okay
Speaker:the doctor goes what and she goes she's a liar
Speaker:I never got in a car accident who told the lie
Speaker:the patient to my my doctor oh wait
Speaker:this woman says I never got in a car accident
Speaker:right after she describes her car accident
Speaker:so she lied and then said I lied
Speaker:yes and then he pulled me out of the room
Speaker:and chewed me out and started yelling at me
Speaker:and said if you didn't get a good history
Speaker:you can't make up stuff
Speaker:you're never gonna like amount to anything horrible
Speaker:and I look at the other medical student and I'm like
Speaker:could you what are you supposed to do
Speaker:and he just put his little bitch head down
Speaker:and are attending walks out
Speaker:attending
Speaker:as a name for your superior when you're in training
Speaker:so this dad been he been a doctor
Speaker:I feel bad for nodding like I knew
Speaker:thank you for explaining he walks out of the room
Speaker:and I look at the messenger and I'm like
Speaker:what the hell and he's like sorry
Speaker:I was really afraid that he yelled at me too
Speaker:and I was livid why did she lie
Speaker:I have no idea she clearly had she just oh
Speaker:she made up a crazy story just for
Speaker:I don't know what was actually wrong
Speaker:just shoulder problems yeah
Speaker:same area shoulder collarbone area
Speaker:but like that's so weird I think in that case
Speaker:she got me in a lot of trouble
Speaker:like that was a graded exam like presentation
Speaker:and I got a lot of trouble for that
Speaker:and I had to really make up for it
Speaker:I don't know why they would do that
Speaker:I think it's your fault
Speaker:what about these people who are planning on
Speaker:intentionally this is from sue in Scottsdale Arizona
Speaker:my boyfriend got a hernia masturbating
Speaker:I was in the room
Speaker:is it important that we tell the doctor
Speaker:when we go to seek medical advice
Speaker:I would like to know what her response was
Speaker:when he got a hernia while she was watching yeah
Speaker:do you think that was like a
Speaker:you know masturbating can mean I'm alone in the room
Speaker:I'm doing it
Speaker:it also could mean I'm grabbing it and you're watching
Speaker:and then he
Speaker:do you like watching me
Speaker:I think that's an interesting thing sorry
Speaker:I know I'm not trusting you
Speaker:um well
Speaker:I always thought it was interesting
Speaker:like if if I could touch you or if I could touch myself
Speaker:I would much rather touch you
Speaker:oh thank God hahaha okay
Speaker:so like that's a form of of sexual arousal
Speaker:there are couples who really
Speaker:really seek sexual pleasure and a variance of like oh
Speaker:let's change it up
Speaker:by watching their partners masturbate yeah
Speaker:simultaneously though yeah
Speaker:I'm not a big fan if you're in the room with me
Speaker:I want you to touch me and I wanna
Speaker:I agree the only time interesting
Speaker:I prefer you touching yourself
Speaker:is if there's a time constraint
Speaker:I waited to take a drink is if we're in a hurry
Speaker:because you're better at it than I am
Speaker:but fun to watch not gonna lie okay
Speaker:so we got things to do
Speaker:would you mind well
Speaker:first thing started show me where it is
Speaker:could you point out the erogenous zone please
Speaker:could you point me in the right direction
Speaker:yeah I like it
Speaker:I think I'm gonna go back to changing my answer now
Speaker:whenever we're together
Speaker:I'd prefer to let me touch myself
Speaker:but I don't even want you in the room
Speaker:you can go in a different room this by the way
Speaker:it's a great question it isn't do you know as a man
Speaker:I I've absolutely almost injured myself cause you
Speaker:there's like a chest muscle what yeah
Speaker:I have so many questions following up on this
Speaker:you people should whisper with both hands
Speaker:to end up getting a big bicep and big arm
Speaker:sometimes when I was younger
Speaker:I'd masturbate my left hand and imagine like
Speaker:it was a girl
Speaker:that was just doing it for the first time
Speaker:isn't that called a stranger
Speaker:and we did oh
Speaker:that's when it's that's when you sit on it
Speaker:it's in a dozen time this one time I called no
Speaker:you've done it
Speaker:you've done it I called Erica once and I said hey
Speaker:I'm working on this joke about this
Speaker:this stranger and I said this is
Speaker:what's that I got you know
Speaker:it's like an old thing where you sit on your arm
Speaker:it falls asleep and then you masturbate
Speaker:and feels like someone else is doing it
Speaker:and you said to me with like a straight face
Speaker:you were like oh my God
Speaker:you were like I would love to do that
Speaker:just to feel like your arm was around me
Speaker:as I went to sleep
Speaker:I just like to throw my arm around me my sleep arm
Speaker:I thought that was really cute
Speaker:remember that no okay
Speaker:I'm glad I'm really keeping you awake um
Speaker:what so you have done it no
Speaker:I've never done a sit on my arm
Speaker:that's insane that wouldn't really work
Speaker:why not I've tried the left hand takes too long um
Speaker:but you you're using your chest muscles until they're
Speaker:they're using your how hard are you pulling
Speaker:I don't wanna talk about this anymore
Speaker:this question I do
Speaker:all I'm saying is it's not a surprise that this man
Speaker:what's a hernia
Speaker:like what I've heard of a herniated disc
Speaker:is the hernia always in the same spot
Speaker:is it a grain thing it's an it's an excellent question
Speaker:our friend is a hernia let's not say his name
Speaker:we have so in your ingronal canal in your groin
Speaker:you can have two different types of hernias
Speaker:direct an indirect
Speaker:basically in relation to other structures in your groin
Speaker:all you need to know is it can happen there
Speaker:that's the one where the doctor typically
Speaker:will go through the testicle
Speaker:put their finger up and say
Speaker:turn your head and cough oh yeah
Speaker:that's the hernia exam that most familiar with
Speaker:but you can also have you did that to me the other day
Speaker:remember yeah
Speaker:I yeah
Speaker:yeah I didn't have one
Speaker:but isn't it nice to like know what to expect
Speaker:like
Speaker:you can get exams now for me and not be uncomfortable
Speaker:or maybe I'm brag oh
Speaker:could you take a look at my testicles
Speaker:there's a periumbilical hernia
Speaker:surround the belly button
Speaker:ventral wall hernia so anywhere in the abdomen
Speaker:kind of on the front side
Speaker:oh gosh there's a lot of different ones
Speaker:there's a diaphramatic hernia
Speaker:okay um
Speaker:haital hernia that one's very common
Speaker:associated with heartburn a lot of times
Speaker:kind of like right here and it can slide up and down
Speaker:and make acid reflux a lot worse
Speaker:are you worried then
Speaker:so there's a lot of different types
Speaker:is the type of hernia
Speaker:important in knowing how to treat it
Speaker:and is
Speaker:if they come in and tell you all he was gardening
Speaker:yeah now
Speaker:have they LED you astray anyway
Speaker:not able to doctor house with you
Speaker:I have very specific medical questions
Speaker:the type of hernia you of course
Speaker:have to know what it is
Speaker:before you can treat anything in medicine
Speaker:what about how he got it would that affect your ability
Speaker:to figure out what it was
Speaker:well hernia
Speaker:not so much well
Speaker:you're gonna do it you're gonna use the patient history
Speaker:then you're going to do a physical examination oh
Speaker:is history of hernias well
Speaker:the whole story but not just how we got it
Speaker:but also what's the presentation
Speaker:what are your symptoms got you
Speaker:you know um
Speaker:complaint onset mitigating factors
Speaker:what makes it better what makes it worse
Speaker:have you ever had it before
Speaker:do you have any associated symptoms
Speaker:where is it pain scale
Speaker:what have you tried all that
Speaker:so then I'll do the physical exam oh
Speaker:it hurts right here and I'll push
Speaker:and typically I'll have them like
Speaker:turn your head and cough
Speaker:causes the muscles to kind of contract
Speaker:and basically
Speaker:what you're feeling is intestinal extrusion
Speaker:so the intestines are bulging out right there
Speaker:the muscles have parted somehow
Speaker:there was a tear there was a shift
Speaker:and then you can feel the bulge of the intestines
Speaker:typical hernia's like if it's in the belly you'll
Speaker:you can even see him around belly button
Speaker:you'll see a big lump yeah
Speaker:um and then you have to look at the
Speaker:are they strangulated are they regular
Speaker:so are they twisted have they lost blood supply
Speaker:yeah I think he heard it strangulating his penis
Speaker:yeah well
Speaker:then here's never mind
Speaker:so you're saying so
Speaker:it doesn't really take into account that he lied on
Speaker:that one doesn't
Speaker:so they're fine they're fine
Speaker:but there are other things
Speaker:you definitely need to be truthful about
Speaker:because
Speaker:the NITIS for the injury can sometimes be benign
Speaker:and then you worry why did the person get it
Speaker:so for example yeah
Speaker:there's something called osteogenesis imperfecta
Speaker:that's usually seen in children where they
Speaker:it's brittle bone disease
Speaker:so if a kid is playing on a playground
Speaker:and falls off the monkey bars
Speaker:unfortunately and breaks their arm
Speaker:they broke their arm right
Speaker:if a child is walking
Speaker:and bumps into the side of a soft bed
Speaker:and breaks their femur to break a long bone
Speaker:if that's the story that you get
Speaker:there are two things you have to take into account
Speaker:1 could they have an underlying pathological
Speaker:genetic predisposition such as ostrogenes and perfecto
Speaker:or something else
Speaker:that make them break bones really easily
Speaker:now you have to do a bunch of genetic tests
Speaker:to make sure they won't break other bones
Speaker:or is their child abuse at play
Speaker:and the parents were lying
Speaker:so so you have to take into account this history yeah
Speaker:so hernia not so much
Speaker:it's just unfortunate that
Speaker:he was having a really good time
Speaker:that turned into a really bad time
Speaker:oh yeah
Speaker:you don't think you finished right
Speaker:I don't oh
Speaker:I was thinking that's how we got it
Speaker:oh yeah
Speaker:boom wow
Speaker:is that what you think happened
Speaker:well that's not how I sound
Speaker:remember what happened to me
Speaker:like what happened this weekend
Speaker:goodness sakes so we're
Speaker:I remember we're I did some shows in Vegas
Speaker:and we would get back really late
Speaker:it was tough so they eat really late
Speaker:and it was hard to find places to eat
Speaker:so we bought this food sitting on the bed eating
Speaker:and we were watching we thought we were
Speaker:we were we thought we were watching a commercial well
Speaker:no no
Speaker:no no
Speaker:no we were watching like House Hunters or something
Speaker:at like 1:30 in the morning
Speaker:when it started we found a House Hunters
Speaker:I didn't know it existed
Speaker:with people that don't have as much money as me
Speaker:every time I watch House Hunters
Speaker:I hate all of you these were like
Speaker:oh this house is 120,000 like yeah
Speaker:bring it on bring on the shitholes
Speaker:oh I don't like that
Speaker:the shithole I like
Speaker:I like the opposite where I'm like
Speaker:your budget's only 7 million cheap bastards
Speaker:I feel very successful 10 million
Speaker:I want to see the big house
Speaker:I like to feel better than the people
Speaker:sometimes my rent cars
Speaker:I run a shitty one to just feel better when I get home
Speaker:truth
Speaker:so we're watching remember
Speaker:we watched this commercial comes on for a shark video
Speaker:actually
Speaker:we weren't watching anything when what you're trying
Speaker:to say started
Speaker:and then I was scrambling for the TV remote
Speaker:oh that's what made you turn it up
Speaker:yeah yeah
Speaker:we're in Vegas these people were just going at it
:30 in the morning
:you know
:it's a fun game to play when you hear noise in Vegas
:in the room next door a fun game to play
:a sex or murder it sounded definitely not like sex
:right there was a moment where I was like
:is someone in trouble or is it sex
:but then it for sure was sex right
:you know
:what was funny about that is I was so grossed out
:I was like oh
:reading salad I look over you and you're like
:yeah unfazed
:that's what I was like screaming for the remote
:put on freaking house on earth
:and then it ended yeah
:I screamed to get it at one point
:get it do you know why you were really into that fork
:oh my but when I heard this guy
:I asked you this in the hallway
:what I said
:you really got upset about those people having sex
:like you really hated
:it was really gross and off putting to me
:isn't it weird how with ourselves though
:we're like deal with it
:but with other people I had a little bit of uh
:we were tired
:there's not gonna be any sex happening with us
:just whatever I was doing to that Caesar salad
:if you could consider that a consensual uh relationship
:I think there's a little bit of me that was uh like
:yeah were you turned on
:no no
:no no
:I just wished I was
:I wished I was for a second I wished I was doing it
:not at all
:just to be clear
:you could tell they were ugly by the noises you
:so that was the other thing that you did mess with my
:oh I know what they look like
:you said
:would it help you
:or hurt you to know what they look like
:if I describe them to you
:and I was like oh no
:no no no
:no no
:no no
:and that's when we watched
:like a 20 minute infomercial on vacuums
:because I needed something loud to block the
:the murder scene well
:truthfully we thought we were watching a commercial
:we're waiting for show to start for 45 minutes
:it was so yes
:so I take that over hearing random people have sex
:though I thought it was an unnatural noise that he made
:that's what made me like he was like
:yeah Jamie
:I already knew that's really weird
:please stop that was like yesterday
:it really was like my hands stop
:it was so weird eww
:I don't know how fine he probably makes those noises
:so he doesn't have to have
:make the woman orgasm after
:cause she's so turned off like
:oh God
:but it's Vegas you know
:what you said to me though
:you're you're like I'm really not really fazed
:cause I'm in hotels all the time
:so I hear it all the time
:I don't hear people have sex all the time
:when I'm in a hotel
:very rarely yeah
:I cannot think of the last time
:I've heard someone have sex
:I did last time you and I were in a hotel having sex
:I was asleep didn't hear it
:hmm hmm I do hear it
:not a ton of hotel sex going on
:by the way in Vegas more than no with well
:we're tired
:but I think in Vegas
:way more than other places around New York City
:I can't remember the last time
:I heard somebody going at it
:I think it's a lot of
:okay maybe I'm being rude as well
:but we were in a very nice hotel
:in a very nice suite to where
:I did not think
:a bunch of drunk people would be stumbling around
:at 2 a m
:having really angry loud sex
:I mean loud it wasn't even I would assume they were
:you know he can't
:he could have been that drunk
:because I'm overhearing a heck
:which if like mean it ended
:so you can have that much to drink
:finish the job
:I finished it he did it
:I high five the wall remember that
:I go yeah
:I hit the wall get it
:then I heard him I heard a noise
:that could only be the sound of someone
:peeling money off of a wad of cash
:oh my god it could have been a prostitute
:prostitution is legal in Las Vegas
:it is legal it for sure is Nevada
:it is yeah
:why did you say like that Nevada
:I don't know if Las Vegas gets prosecuted
:I don't know if on the strip of Las Vegas
:that there's a that it's a
:it's a it is yeah
:is it the only state that is legal one
:I don't know let me go
:let me check it out I didn't know that yeah
:I thought it was legal everywhere
:illegal everywhere oh
:prostitution legal states definitely
:I have a story to tell you
:oh wow
:this is a great lead up
:Nevada is the only US state allowed
:where they allow legal prostitution
:gross so gross
:it's mostly outside the strip though
:you can us so there's obviously
:well yes
:um
:the terms oh
:it's been decriminalized in Maine
:wow so they give you
:they give you a slap on the wrist
:it's a great thing go
:you not waste any time getting that lobster roll
:right after
:why would Maine do it I don't know
:this is I don't even know if there's a good story
:oh yeah
:you have a story
:you talked about prostitution being legal
:and then you said I've got a good story
:I do I was in Reno once and I was playing as
:drink a little
:bit at the time took a little hiatus from sobriety
:as they say
:and um
:I was playing a little uh video poker at a bar in Reno
:Nevada and I was playing it and I was having fun
:I'm a loner when it comes to gambling
:I play poker I play poker
:that's it and so I'm seeing this
:and then this girl who is pretty good looking
:sits right down next to me at the um
:at thing right
:and she starts playing and so I'm just Eric
:I'm just a man and I go
:hello there or whatever a guy says
:and she's being pretty friendly to me and I'm getting
:did you ever question why
:yeah is that where we're going
:yeah I mean I immediately got
:I get I see myself every morning in the mirror
:I know I know what I meant
:she was this was never happened anywhere
:but it's for sure like some sort of like
:I don't feel like
:some girls gonna randomly sit next to me
:three in the morning and the casino
:so I know what's going on but I go
:she seems nice so I turn I go
:how are you doing
:and I she goes good
:how are you doing I go
:she goes what are you doing here
:and I got I'm a comedian
:I'm working at the comedy club in the casino and I go
:what are you doing here guess what she says
:I am a prostitute oh
:she just volunteered it that nonchalantly yeah
:I am a prostitute she kind of laughs like home probably
:and I go oh
:that's pretty cool and she goes
:I'm not working right now
:I'm just playing the machines I can
:she goes I can't
:I'm not even allowed to work in this hotel
:I just I just didn't play next to you to say hi
:and I go okay
:I'm not it I go
:I don't do that type of thing
:nice to meet you right
:so I go this is kind of fascinating back in my head
:I'm wondering how much she charges
:how much is gonna cost me
:is it well
:I'm wondering will something happen
:is it a freebie oh
:come on sometimes I tell jokes nights
:just people that haven't bought tickets
:so I talked to her for a little while
:and I start going like
:what's the craziest thing you've ever had happened
:as a prostitute no
:you didn't yeah
:and she goes you're not gonna believe this one
:she said a guy paid her $2,000
:I'm not even
:this is so gross I'm not even gonna finish it
:but
:to bring pounds of hamburger meat to his hotel room
:no sex and do some stuff with the meat
:that's all I'm gonna say
:should he pay $1,000 to do that
:she did it yeah
:she did it and stuff to the meat or he did
:she did so she did put the meat places
:EWW I shouldn't have I shouldn't have this happened
:we don't know if she's telling the truth
:so anyway I feel like that's the truth
:see I do too
:I shouldn't have brought it up though
:and so anyway the end of the story
:God I'm just
:thinking of all the bacteria that would be growing
:I know but that's dangerous alright anyway
:so dangerous yeah
:cool eye yep
:a lot of danger happening in that room that night
:prostitute
:right diseases raw meat you playing with fire
:so I talked to her sick man
:so I'm very naive
:because what happens is I feel like I made a friend
:and I don't feel like there's any pressure here
:to hire her as a prostitute
:and she starts talking to guys right
:hey what's up
:how much cause she's clearly
:it was as if her vagina had a for cell sign
:like I mean she was clip what she was wearing right
:like she was a prostitute
:sad to me yeah
:but so guys were asking her she seemed happy
:but guys are asking her like how much and stuff
:and she was negotiating with them
:and she would tell people like
:I'm just hanging out with him for the night
:she pointed me kind of turn them away
:I go I made a friend so we're downstairs at the
:in the casino and she said something like
:they should use the bathroom or something
:we walked to the front of the casino and when we walk
:I went to the bathroom
:she went to the bathroom when we walked out
:she walked out
:and she was surrounded by policeman and security
:like twenty cops 20 security and they were like
:you need to get out of here
:you're soliciting in this hotel whatever
:and I walk out and I go oh
:that's just my little girl
:I know whatever and they were they were like
:back away or you're gonna get arrested
:I was like oh my God
:so I just went to my room
:I never saw again and then I found out the next day
:that's like a thing that's the thing
:prostitutes
:that they find someone to like hang out with
:so they can sort of like hang out there
:if they're just alone going
:can I have sex with you for money
:they get busted immediately
:but if they find a guy
:that they could pretend to be friends with
:they can then sell their wears to uh to strangers
:that's sad
:yeah yeah
:anyway
:thought I tell real sad story with a no ending yeah
:I don't I don't know where to go with that
:well edit it out um
:but I thought that was a wild a wild thing
:I just was too naive to know that that was a
:I'm curious if male prostitutes really exist
:great question like truly if they exist
:not like escorts and like
:male strippers and all of that
:but like truly just a male prostitute
:they have to but just very low demand
:I suppose yeah
:this weekend on stage
:I remember us telling people about our podcast
:and I was saying in one of the earlier episodes
:we talked about the fact that women can have blue balls
:it's always talked about the guys have it
:and I remember coming to the conclusion that
:you know why you don't hear it as much
:because when a woman has blue balls
:she could walk up to a random guy and be like
:would you please have sex with me
:and get rid of my blue balls
:where is it guys alone going like
:well this sucks
:and I feel like that's similar to the male prostitute
:why would you want a male prostitute
:if you could just walk in pretty much any bar and and
:and sleep with the dude
:wasn't that why famous people do it
:because they don't want the commitment
:yeah oh
:you mean like I feel like they wanna sleep with someone
:yeah and then be done with it
:they don't want the commitment
:they don't want them make sense
:like who was that famous lady who had all of the like
:I don't know yeah
:yeah yeah
:oh the famous
:she was sleeping with them
:no she was like the um mistress
:the madam kind of coordinated madam lady that got yeah
:yeah yeah
:yes that I
:could see and she had a whole list of like
:famous people and presidents
:and a bunch of people in politics like
:and she never gave the list out that I could see
:but I don't but I don't get the um
:but they were all famous good looking
:wealthy but men still
:but you but I thought you were asking
:I was trying to I think is there
:actor would have no problem hooking up with someone
:but they don't want that reputation
:yeah right
:like think about you grant
:how he got busted with prostitutes
:he's cute he's in a ton of romance movies
:good point
:I think a lot of people would have slept with him
:I don't know his exact motives
:but why would someone who's good looking famous
:successful wealthy
:and overall doing well
:pay to have sex when they can get it for free
:probably those are great reasons now
:but if we take it to women
:you don't have to be famous
:you don't have to be an actress
:you could walk into any bar and probably have sex
:looking almost a lot of women
:I would say a lot of women could go sex
:maybe it's the safety thing though
:you don't want to just like
:sleep with someone who could like
:kill you or hurt you afterwards
:right to go to this place where they're all vetted
:that's a very good point
:very good point there has to be
:but I
:would say probably more so like the male escort right
:to like take you to a family wedding or
:I feel like that's a real thing yeah
:and you know in Japan
:that there are some bars where you can go
:and a girl will just be really nice to you
:and I did it
:no sex no touching
:you paid a woman to be your friend
:I believe I did you actually paid her well Jamie
:okay
:is it like a vending machine and you can just select
:this is that one
:listen to me
:and then if you pay like the
:the low end ones and they only like kinda nice
:they only laugh at some of your jokes
:I've never told anybody you pay a ton of money
:she's like ho ho ho funniest guy alive
:I've never admitted this to anyone
:I was in Japan with Rob Schneider
:and I was hoping for him
:and everyone went to sleep
:and I snuck out of the base oh
:oh found me base
:and I went to this bar
:and there were these women there
:and if you bought them drinks
:it didn't cost anything except for the drinks
:if you bought them drinks
:they would just be super nice to you
:that happens everywhere
:but this is like I did it more honestly
:I did it as an experiment at first
:I went up
:there was a guy and there was a cute Japanese girl
:she starts talking to me and I turned to him and I go
:hey man
:I just wanna introduce myself I'm Jamie and he goes
:oh you can talk to her and I go
:that's why I'm saying hi
:I just don't want you to think that I'm hitting on you
:and he's like
:oh she's not with me and he walks away yeah
:this is interesting and then she goes
:do you wanna buy me a drink
:and like I can see why not
:and then she was just nice to me for a couple hours
:and it felt good
:felt good somebody sat on my lap at one point
:and it was no touching definitely no kissing
:you just said she sat on your lap so that was touching
:hand touching
:but I feel like there's a
:there's a real market for that
:I like that I liked it
:I just gotten divorced
:and this lady was just being real nice to me
:I honestly think that's actually kind of cool
:I am not lying to you you know
:it's really nice and um oh man
:there's a European country
:I wanna say it was Amsterdam specifically
:but I don't remember if it was in other ones or not
:but where they started having grocery store lines
:that were made just for the elderly
:that they're intentionally
:allowing them to go as slowly as possible
:just to talk
:and they had such success
:that the chain did it across the
:whole board
:so everybody in a hurry goes in the normal lanes
:and the people who are just really lonely
:and wanna talk they allow them to go in the slow lane
:you can only pay by a paper check
:isn't that cute you see a paper check
:old person look at the story that I tell
:I'm trying to find
:you talk about like prostitutes in hamburger meat
:and I talk about grocery stores in
:do you know I live my life regretting things like right
:I regret telling that story
:I might even edit it out I just
:I was trying to find
:I think that's really sweet that they like you yeah
:I try not to get well
:that's a human condition right
:we always wanna be involved in other people
:we have this innate desire to be accepted oh
:to be accepted there are yeah
:to get along
:and have a human connection with other humans
:like we are very
:for both species we need that um interaction
:they have a child's bench
:have you seen those child's bench
:yeah yeah
:yeah it's like
:it's called a buddy bench and if you sit on the bench
:it means you wanna play with someone at schools
:so if you're alone and you sit there
:any other child who sees you can come up to you and say
:I'd play with you that's really cute
:isn't that wonderful that's really cute
:I think there's a lot of good
:things that we're doing
:we just don't highlight them right
:we just talk about all the bullshit on Twitter
:and YouTube yeah
:have you ever had a an injury
:cause
:I had a foot injury or back injury that did this to me
:from masturbating also no
:no this one was more innocent
:I stretch Erica before I start okay
:limber it up right I'll even take the doll
:and have her do some shoulder stuff
:you know oh my stretch her stretch her out
:I was gonna say I had an injury once like the
:I have so many questions about the doll
:I would never say the doll unless it was a Warner
:do you use the mouth now
:I feel like that would cut you cause it's like plastic
:Jeez well
:they fix that
:I don't know the first ones did that and they're like
:people are returning these
:but you know how like
:the seems of like pools that you use for the summer
:have like that really sharp edge
:ridge all around aren't the blow up dolls like that
:you know what I did get injured once
:so you try to take a blow up doll hand
:yeah to chase your penis
:you know what
:I did injure myself once with the blow of doll
:her hand was where you blow it up
:and it had that little thing on it
:no I've never been with a doll
:why do you say to me so upset
:certainly when I was younger
:wished someone had one wished I had one um
:I lost my one second what was it
:prostitutes dull master oh
:have you ever been in a position elderly people
:they don't wanna be slow
:a lot of them in their minds are sharp
:have you ever had an injury
:because I have where I'm the slow guy
:and also when you look in like you're not old
:it's even more of like a this slow lazy fuck what
:I had a really bad back injury and I was that guy
:so like I could barely walk yeah
:this is for a month
:but I don't understand what the question
:question is
:what they must feel like holding up that line
:cause I got it for a month
:I was that guy everywhere
:come on buddy get out of the way
:like
:I felt the hatred from everyone thinking that I was a
:sorry is everything okay
:is it you sneeze yes
:you can edit that out sorry okay
:um I just meant like
:have you ever been in that position
:where you're the one that they want to hurry
:and I feel bad for older people that
:that maybe feel like they're going as fast as they can
:cause I was I was in that position once
:I did I injured my back and I had to have
:MRIs physical therapy and a lot of
:a lot of recovery to get better
:and I was on a flight
:and I was trying to lift my bag overhead
:I couldn't do any so I just asked the flight attendant
:it was barely full flight
:and I said I'm so sorry
:but like I'm still in a spasm
:can you just help me lift it
:just if you can't lift your bag overhead
:you have to check it I don't like that person
:and I was like what I almost started crying
:cause like that took so much just to get
:that makes me so angry and this really nice passenger
:he goes what
:I'll do it for you and lifted it
:and the whole plane ride I was thinking
:oh man I really hope this guy will get it down for me
:cause I'm terrified of this
:what asshole that when I was only like 25
:I and I was like
:is this how people are when you're injured
:I don't know I feel like you at 25 there
:there
:have been some guys that would help you get that down
:versus me now
:no
:just at any any age right now
:why would you say that I don't know
:I was saying I was picturing 25 year old Erica
:it wasn't a comment the next time we're on a flight
:do not try to help me
:I'm gonna try to put my bag up and I'm gonna go
:I'm gonna go oh
:and then if there's nobody that helps me out and we
:like he was right he was lying to my face
:it's only me at 25 I think we're gonna
:we're gonna end this soon
:but I do wanna tell you
:do you remember I went somewhere recently for you
:cause I was telling you like
:you know your life like people think you're
:I'm just just a guy out here
:no one wants to help it's snowing
:it's snowing it's snowing
:it's snowing it's not beautiful oh
:you don't like it you want me to put them things down
:no let's leave it up
:we're almost done um
:I like it no
:I don't like it
:okay go ahead
:what are you gonna say now
:I'm very angry about the weather okay
:wait we were in Las Vegas yesterday
:this sucks this sucks okay
:what here's the question
:it's about how people are treated
:based on how they look and I wanna tell you something
:oh I went somewhere oh
:are you talking
:we're talking about Home Depot
:yes yeah
:I went to Home Depot haha
:and I said
:I'm looking for a very specific type of faucet
:and the guy looks up at me like
:he's not wearing an orange apron
:like he's a customer
:that just happened to wear an orange apron
:and he goes there and I go
:I'm looking for a very specific type of sink faucet
:I would like it to be a touch one
:I need two of them
:I don't have a lot of clearance in the back of the sink
:and he goes yeah
:I don't even know if we have any of those
:why don't you check where it says faucets
:and I'm like I wanna murder this guy
:I'm trying to do something nice for you
:and I go I'd looked at faucet sir
:I just thought because if you worked here
:maybe you could point me in the direction
:of the very specific faucet
:that I need they could save me a little time
:and he goes
:just they're down there
:and I'm like wow
:and I look and I look and I don't find anything
:and then I leave and I call you and I say
:I'm upset this guy was a jerk to me
:and I I don't know how it came up
:but I go I feel like if it had been you
:he would have been like more helpful until you
:so you said well
:let me I'mma swing by and test that theory
:this guy was like and I did yeah
:yeah this guy
:I went to the same location too
:yeah and looked for the same faucet
:I know I know what happened
:I'm aware of what happened
:this guy was like why don't you come to my house
:I'll show you my bathtub no faucet
:you got white glove treatment
:everyone shall help her no
:let me help one guy
:I think he was trying to invent a touchless faucet
:cause they didn't have one
:just they falling over themselves to help you yeah
:well
:so this is the part that I struggle with with misogyny
:if you walk into that store
:it's the reverse
:you're treated like crap for doing nothing wrong
:but you're not a plumber how would you know if it's me
:yes because
:you don't even know where the equipment is located
:they should not be judgmental
:and look at you and be like
:you should know how to saw this thing in
:thank you
:and you should know how where this bolt is or whatever
:no sir you have the apron you help me
:but when I walk in there
:even if I like say I was a homebuilder
:they'd be like are you lost the nail salons this way
:but did you want paint or we have like candy up front
:I know I get offended for that
:but I actually get offended for more for the guys
:can I ask you a question you're not
:not manly because you don't know where the faucets are
:yes you you have to be totally completely honest
:what I know where you stand on um topics such as this
:you're obviously very smart
:accomplished beautiful women that is not like oh
:go get candy you go into that store
:isn't that sometimes you go oh
:this is kind of fucking nice
:actually
:what was really nice is when we were in Best Pie
:I was thinking that one haha
:when I checked for 45 minutes
:forever to get headphones in that case
:yeah and you're waiting and waiting and waiting
:I don't know where you are
:and then I look at you and I'm like
:what are you doing you're like
:I'm waiting to find someone
:I go oh
:I got this you said
:you turn to me and you go
:I'll have my breast help us find someone no
:I didn't
:you do the dumb look I turned around
:found the first guy worker and I just said
:that's it I didn't even say anything
:he's like oh
:what can I help you with yes
:you did keys I was waiting for 45 minutes
:this guy haha
:y'all all you did was turn
:so do
:would you would you admit that I think it's messed up
:but sometimes it is helpful
:well I think also
:you're gonna use all of things that you can yeah
:to your benefit as long as they don't hurt other people
:I don't think I hurt anyone
:you didn't hurt anybody
:but there's an interesting aloof and saying oh
:can you help me
:I don't think that that's hurting anyone
:I appreciate your honesty
:cause there's some women though that are like
:I never benefit from that and I don't need
:I get that there's a
:was that just a noise
:maybe one of my cameras turned off
:but um some women are like no
:that I never get anything from this
:it's all bad but can you guys
:I think that I still wish that there was Equality
:and equity across the board
:because I think the positives that I get
:are not outweighed by the negatives
:great point
:I also want to be very clear that it does go both ways
:and when I say I'm a feminist
:most men here you hate men right
:no I hate the inequality
:and when you go to a store and they treat you like crap
:it equally angers me cause that's not fair
:find them the faucet it was really rude
:I ever tell you you know
:this about me but I've been
:you know I've always been a feminist for my whole life
:and that's why that's actually why
:watch what you say no
:this is true this is true
:it's actually why I became a comedian
:so all women
:for the rest of my life would make more money than me
:I mean I guess it's funny
:not a bad one I guess
:self deprecating yeah
:you're also
:highlighting the fact that women are underpaid
:for the same work
:all right next week
:I'm afraid to ask women comedians make compared to men
:uh I mean
:is there also a pay discrepancy
:great question
:I feel like women comedians have a very shit job
:because most men don't like funny women
:yeah this is a
:we might have to table this discussion for next time
:there's a lot here um
:it's very hard for me to talk about this
:but it's true right
:I don't
:it's very hard for me to talk about this because
:I met your female friend who's comedian
:I think she's awesome she's hilarious
:Kelly Colette is my opener on the road
:she's great she was super funny
:and that's not why I troubled
:I've trouble talking about it because no
:but I just meant I finally saw
:I've never seen a female comedian before um
:dating you but then uh
:your friend Nikki said stuff about Nikki Glaser Nick
:yeah Nikki Glaser
:she said stuff in one of her acts about how like
:men comedians clean up cause like women are like
:oh with women
:with women with women
:and then female comedian she's like
:it's so much harder to be a woman comedian because man
:guys one
:don't want me to be funny
:they wanna be funnier than me
:and they want me to shut up and do whatever
:and she's pretty both of them are very successful
:successful in
:meaning that they're skilled at what they do
:yeah and they're young and attractive
:and that sucks to hear that
:well you just educated me on something
:what when you're explaining your thing
:you were saying yes
:there are a couple little positives
:but the negatives out with the positives
:and I just realized I was about to say
:because of my age and stuff
:and what's happening in the world
:all I
:all I hear is like we don't need another white guy
:it's like the most common thing
:but I'm not here to go like
:I'm being discriminated against
:because I'm a white guy like I would never say that
:but then I was just thinking like
:even if that's true
:that like I've heard that so many times
:like there's so many guys like you
:what do you
:what is it about you that we want a girl to do this or
:or a person to do that um
:but maybe you're right that the good outways
:that
:the struggles that so many women have gone through
:I think you just have to be realistic and honest
:I benefit tremendously from being a female physician
:by the way
:I get way more clients than my male counterparts
:and that wasn't the case even a decade or two ago
:but I'm in very high demand
:so be honest and I'm being honest
:no I meant like
:if I'm gonna criticize oh
:I saw your sound then you gotta go
:I sometimes did yeah
:yes like have one blind eye when it benefits you only
:that's true
:um this right ask we gotta go
:coming up on the next episode of afraid to ask
:that's why you're not supposed to sleep naked
:I think this just farted for a few seconds no
:you're not supposed to sleep naked for that reason
:because when you fart you're expelling fecal matter
:not just air
:so that particulate usually contains a lot of bacteria
:and then if you're sleeping naked
:especially with a partner
:or just in your sheets in general yeah
:you're spraying that contaminant everywhere
:you know what I think we should do
:not talk about this anymore
:I'm afraid to ask I'm afraid to ask on the podcast
:afraid to ask
:we've always provided the podcast for free
:it's been free off to this point
:I'm not kidding
:I feel like now is the time we start a Patreon
:and for like 5 bucks a month
:you don't have to hear this one haha
