Waterslide Weight Limits and Spider Bites
In this episode of Afraid to Ask, comedian Jamie Lissow and his more glamorous half Dr. Erika discuss the many reasons why Jamie should be single after a caller calls in to leave an insult. (We're still trying to hire a call screener.) We also discuss weight limits on water slides and how fun or horrifying that job would be depending on your attitude.
About the Podcast
Comedian Jamie Lissow and his smarter half Dr. Erika answer all kinds of medical, dating, sex, divorce, questions some might be afraid to ask. Listen & subscribe for prescriptions and punchlines.
Mentioned in this episode:
Warning:
This is an uncensored podcast that will include adult language and topics. Viewer discretion is advised.
Transcript
check 1 2 well
Speaker:hello there boyfriend how are you this fine day
Speaker:I'm really good is it working
Speaker:yes excellent
Speaker:let's not talk shit I'm afraid to ask
Speaker:but I have a great question
Speaker:I don't even know what I was gonna say
Speaker:I'm so disturbed right now
Speaker:lay it on me I don't know what it says
Speaker:it just came in on speak pipe
Speaker:speak pipe wait are you being serious
Speaker:yeah you're just gonna cold play one yeah
Speaker:this is always goes well for you last time
Speaker:excuse me hi
Speaker:this is Jen um
Speaker:I did it wrong the first time
Speaker:sorry to quote your beautiful wife
Speaker:why aren't you single haha
Speaker:okay that was it haha
Speaker:that was the whole message uh
Speaker:haha cause not my wife
Speaker:I like her to be but um
Speaker:yeah it's fantastic
Speaker:all right I did say we were opening up the phones again
Speaker:I agree we're open up the phones for questions
Speaker:we're doing a Q&A questions and insults
Speaker:yeah well
Speaker:we are not married
Speaker:but I did say that to you
Speaker:are you not single when you say dumb shit
Speaker:oh you said it many many times microphones on and off
Speaker:maybe I'm desperate um
Speaker:what was I gonna tell you
Speaker:oh maybe I'm using you for something
Speaker:which a lot of people like to say
Speaker:what was I gonna ask you look at his arms
Speaker:remember the um
Speaker:the thing about um
Speaker:so you know that I had I'm trying to figure out
Speaker:right before we started I like that question
Speaker:you're totally just dodging it
Speaker:oh it's a real question
Speaker:I thought it was just an insult oh
Speaker:that was funny what's the question
Speaker:oh why am I not single
Speaker:yeah sorry
Speaker:I just yeah
Speaker:I wanted to move past to give her credit
Speaker:I like it when people ask questions oh
Speaker:so you're saying I'm not single because my arms are big
Speaker:that's one of the reason your attributes like oh
Speaker:that's nice okay
Speaker:like what am I using all for
Speaker:I swear I misunderstood
Speaker:I thought that was a straight up insult
Speaker:and he's great at moving my furniture
Speaker:I am I just did a little bit of it you're my it guy
Speaker:I do um
Speaker:I really have very white teeth okay
Speaker:did you know before I ever met you in person
Speaker:I went and bleached my teeth
Speaker:like the day before I flew to Denver
Speaker:because you had really nice teeth
Speaker:and we talked about how white your teeth were
Speaker:and I was so scared that I would have
Speaker:not as nice teeth so when I surprised you
Speaker:I wanted so I was like hi
Speaker:my teeth were like bleeding because I had
Speaker:they weren't good enough so I had a second time
Speaker:like that's a place I still can't believe
Speaker:he got me at the teeth
Speaker:how about I admit something to you
Speaker:you don't know
Speaker:ready
Speaker:so I feel like I do do things around the um
Speaker:I I'm a pretty right like you said it guy
Speaker:I've hung some pictures oh yeah
Speaker:I've uh so this one day
Speaker:there's something about Erica that makes me
Speaker:I wanna like be able to do what she needs me to do
Speaker:like there's
Speaker:there's something that makes me go for instance
Speaker:you had a ring doorbell
Speaker:her the doorbell
Speaker:the thing that the chime it's so high up in the sky
Speaker:you have like a special ladder
Speaker:it's frighteningly hot right now
Speaker:it's so high and I just go yeah
Speaker:I can do that of course and I'm in my head I'm like
Speaker:I don't know that's very high
Speaker:I'm not sure but
Speaker:there's something about being with you
Speaker:that makes you wanna do things
Speaker:for you I told you also I'm an anxious person
Speaker:but when I'm with you
Speaker:I'm not I wanna like take care of everything
Speaker:I wanna be like no
Speaker:I got this right so you had said um
Speaker:that you wanted me you were practicing silks
Speaker:and you wanted me to put something on your ceiling
Speaker:so you can hang like a home silks thing
Speaker:what that would involve would be put it
Speaker:hooking something up to a ceiling that's very high
Speaker:that could hold the weight of a person
Speaker:if it didn't hold the weight of a person
Speaker:that person might hurt themselves and
Speaker:or get a head injury
Speaker:this is a very I feel like this request is very like
Speaker:oh shit
Speaker:like this something that has to be done correctly yeah
Speaker:and I I remember just going oh yeah
Speaker:I could totally do that
Speaker:and then standing upstairs just being like huh
Speaker:this is like a real but there's this thing where I
Speaker:I like I feel like I'm
Speaker:I don't even know what I'm saying
Speaker:I don't even know
Speaker:if this is good to even talk about on the podcast
Speaker:but you do this thing for me
Speaker:maybe this is too lovey dovey bullshit
Speaker:but you do this thing for me
Speaker:where you make me feel like I could
Speaker:I am capable of all these things where if I was alone
Speaker:I didn't have to do it for someone
Speaker:I would have hired someone to put in the thing
Speaker:in my ceiling because I wouldn't have trusted myself
Speaker:but when you ask me stuff hey
Speaker:can you hang up the thing
Speaker:I went upstairs yeah
Speaker:you did a great job
Speaker:I think it took me 11 minutes to hang a silk thing
Speaker:pretty impressive and I even hung on it myself
Speaker:and I did whatever so that I think this is part
Speaker:I know that was cute you tested it out
Speaker:to make sure it wouldn't fall on your weight
Speaker:so then I could get on it
Speaker:and number I go
Speaker:let's make sure you know both of us a case no
Speaker:will you get drunk later no
Speaker:it's for exercise stop it
Speaker:you just says exercise don't make me go to the tape
Speaker:um wow
Speaker:but it's two fold I'm lying a little bit
Speaker:it's two fold one is like you make me feel incapable
Speaker:these the other thing is I wanna fuck it
Speaker:I wanna you know
Speaker:I wanna impress me yes
Speaker:oh impress me Jamie what you got about 5 9
Speaker:do I thought I was 5 9 I don't we need to go there
Speaker:I thought I was 5 9 for a really long time
Speaker:then I started doing the joke on stage
Speaker:about how I was taller than Godfeld
Speaker:and then after a show this lady goes
Speaker:you're not 5 9 by the way
Speaker:I was like what
Speaker:I've been 5 9 for 48 years
Speaker:and then I was told I wasn't
Speaker:and then I realized I'm kinda like
Speaker:I just buy I bought high heel tennis shoes for myself
Speaker:I don't thank you for those
Speaker:oh I thought they were for myself
Speaker:they're gold oh yeah
Speaker:they're so cute to make me feel more like shit
Speaker:no awesome
Speaker:I they're stylish
Speaker:they're like wedge ones but they have them for guys too
Speaker:oh I'm not saying you need them
Speaker:I'm just saying I saw an ad once where every guy lied
Speaker:it was probably for the shoes to like
Speaker:make you think that oh yeah
Speaker:see we need to be taller
Speaker:every guy lied about you don't need them
Speaker:they were like in a gym and they were like
Speaker:uh how tall are you
Speaker:and the guy was like I am 6 2 and they're like
Speaker:stand up let's measure you and the guy's like
Speaker:oh get away from me
Speaker:no I'm not stop it
Speaker:and they get really mad
Speaker:because they got caught in a lie
Speaker:and like every guy they asked except one
Speaker:refuse to stand up or if they did
Speaker:they were off by several inches
Speaker:so I don't think you're uncommon there
Speaker:but this one obviously
Speaker:was marketed to get people to buy their shoes
Speaker:I think you're perfect but that is funny though
Speaker:cause I remember women don't do that
Speaker:they do it with their weight
Speaker:age weight
Speaker:I don't lie about my age no
Speaker:not you I don't group you in with other women
Speaker:when we talk women when you say like men are assholes
Speaker:I don't think you're talking about specifically me
Speaker:I'm saying in general
Speaker:but I think men I and maybe I'm wrong about that video
Speaker:I didn't see it but when I lied to you about my height
Speaker:I wasn't going like
Speaker:I'm gonna tell Eric I'm taller than I am
Speaker:there's part of me that believed that I was fine
Speaker:I knew I knew it was probably shorter than that
Speaker:cause I had some some people question it
Speaker:but I just kind of said it
Speaker:and you even said it like I said it like I was
Speaker:I was gonna ask you for what I know I'm afraid to ask
Speaker:forget it
Speaker:do you think that like EMTs
Speaker:when they're helping someone on the side of the road
Speaker:ever even look at their driver's license
Speaker:to know their height and weight
Speaker:cause they know everyone lies oh
Speaker:you mean to try to figure out if they're like
Speaker:how much medicine of something do we need
Speaker:like most of it's not weight yeah
Speaker:adjusted for like aggressive cardiovascular
Speaker:life saving measures
Speaker:like it's just like you get this amount
Speaker:this makes whatever
Speaker:that's why they weigh you and don't ask for
Speaker:anesthesiologist is different for
Speaker:because they have to keep you sedated
Speaker:but for like
Speaker:stuff to like shock your heart and like get you back
Speaker:it's it's pretty standard
Speaker:but wouldn't that be fun
Speaker:like they don't look your driver's license
Speaker:but how much is this person weigh
Speaker:and like well it's a woman add 30 pounds yeah
Speaker:they'd have to do for me
Speaker:my driver's license is on point
Speaker:I would say 5 9 they like this short guy
Speaker:stole a guy's driver's license haha
Speaker:he's uh his symptoms are he's getting shorter
Speaker:yeah
Speaker:they give you the options of getting a driver's license
Speaker:every year or four years
Speaker:and then they're like or you can pay a little extra
Speaker:you can have for 10 years
Speaker:I'm like ten cause
Speaker:I don't know what I'm gonna look like in 10 years
Speaker:guess what
Speaker:the 10 year one expires for me this August does it
Speaker:I can't wait you know
Speaker:why of all the insults that you level of me
Speaker:you have a terrible picture
Speaker:why are drivers like a serial killer on meth
Speaker:passing bear cubs in the picture
Speaker:it was Covid and I had
Speaker:it looks like I'm wearing a white turtleneck
Speaker:but it's a Bandana
Speaker:I used to be Bandana guy during Covid
Speaker:I thought it was getting over and it's
Speaker:it just makes it look weird
Speaker:and I think I'm wearing glasses and I don't know
Speaker:you look like you just came off of like
Speaker:a winter foraging 10 year hike
Speaker:and you found civilization
Speaker:it's not a great picture so I should get another one
Speaker:I need my driver's license to drive those bodies around
Speaker:I'm sick of carrying them
Speaker:it's a terrible picture well
Speaker:at least that's consistent with the story
Speaker:do you wanna hear a true story
Speaker:oh you made fun of me just the other day
Speaker:you I was making fun of you
Speaker:so you grab my license and you're like
Speaker:screw you Erica
Speaker:and then you grab my Costco card
Speaker:and you flipped it over and you're like haha
Speaker:screw you Erica
Speaker:yes great
Speaker:fucking annoying
Speaker:tell your true story
Speaker:about someone lying about their weight
Speaker:what they could be dangerous
Speaker:this is a true story
Speaker:swear to God true story
Speaker:I'm flying I'm performing somewhere in Alaska
Speaker:there's a guy in Fairbanks
Speaker:Alaska that would take us to do these little tours
Speaker:and you take a little
Speaker:planes and you go to all these different little
Speaker:sometimes to be a community center
Speaker:and to be the whole town
Speaker:and you'd perform for them and do Santa show
Speaker:it's kind of fun
Speaker:and we go to the airport and it's this tiny plane
Speaker:and they go there's a guy up there and they go
Speaker:how much do you weigh sir
Speaker:and he's like oh
Speaker:I don't know one 90 okay
Speaker:and they weigh his bags and then he walks
Speaker:and then this woman gets on in front of me and he
Speaker:and they go how much do you weigh
Speaker:and she goes one twenty and I'm like that's not hmm hmm
Speaker:it's not it's not 1:20
Speaker:our lives are at stake and this lady goes I weigh 1:20
Speaker:I get up there thinking what do you weigh
Speaker:go two twenty ten I took her weight on to mine
Speaker:I added her weight to mine for to save everybody
Speaker:do you think you added enough or not enough
Speaker:I mean I really tried to do it like a carnival guy
Speaker:like I really tried to look at her and go hmm
Speaker:I don't think so but did you tell her don't worry ma'am
Speaker:your secret's safe with me
Speaker:don't you think that they should start weighing people
Speaker:cause do you I wouldn't get mad if a woman like
Speaker:I feel like those are kind of harmless lies
Speaker:I've never been on a plane
Speaker:where they've asked my weight
Speaker:no you
Speaker:I don't know if you've ever been on a plane like that
Speaker:I was on this is not Alaska Airlines are United
Speaker:this is like a bush pilot flying flying six of us
Speaker:that is important that's very
Speaker:oh yeah I'm if I didn't make that clear
Speaker:it was your bags couldn't be more than 20 pounds
Speaker:everybody got like 20 pounds
Speaker:and it was all about safety yeah
Speaker:so I'm not trying to be a dick yeah
Speaker:I'm glad you clarified that
Speaker:I am just trying to save everyone's life
Speaker:I owe you pick up a few elbows
Speaker:you gotta tell that guy
Speaker:you know that's like the water park they weigh us
Speaker:they do the one I'm gonna take you to
Speaker:what do you mean for the why does it matter
Speaker:a lot of the rides
Speaker:each family only gets like 800 pounds
Speaker:do they charge for pound no
Speaker:they make you leave if you're over no
Speaker:no way yeah
Speaker:not not in today's scale
Speaker:you have to get out of scale every single time
Speaker:well because how is it not an uproar
Speaker:uh it's for two people
Speaker:you can only weigh so much
Speaker:because I think if you weigh too much
Speaker:some of them you could go over the side
Speaker:cause they're like really steep
Speaker:plunge ones that then scoop up
Speaker:so with your weight you'll go faster right
Speaker:so like if you weigh too much
Speaker:they're worried about safety so they'll say oh
Speaker:I'm sorry you have to write single
Speaker:you can't go double oh
Speaker:I see they don't not let them
Speaker:what if it's like this is just me and they're like
Speaker:whoops but there's like a family one
Speaker:where there's five of us that can go in one too
Speaker:yeah and it's
Speaker:you all have to stand on a scale
Speaker:and if you're too much together
Speaker:yes together
Speaker:then they kick one of you off
Speaker:but I did have a guy was kind of sad
Speaker:he like was in front of me
Speaker:and he wanted to go with someone
Speaker:they're like you can't sorry
Speaker:they're like the good news is you can be the tube
Speaker:well it was you
Speaker:but I was nervous
Speaker:cause I know I don't like to weigh myself
Speaker:I would hate to weigh myself
Speaker:so like is it the place to
Speaker:I know the name of it yeah
Speaker:but all I don't wanna throw shade at it
Speaker:no I wanna see
Speaker:I wanna see what the weight limit is every
Speaker:every ride is different because it's
Speaker:you're telling me I have to weigh myself for every ride
Speaker:yes
Speaker:when you get to the top of a lot of their water slides
Speaker:the extra like speed long ones
Speaker:yeah you
Speaker:they make you weigh yourself
Speaker:not all of them like if it's an enclosed tube
Speaker:you don't I can't believe this
Speaker:what
Speaker:at the place you're talking about
Speaker:yeah guess what the maximum pounds is per seat
Speaker:2:10
Speaker:that's low it's slow
Speaker:that's not nice but maybe you're saying
Speaker:you got a bigger one by yourself
Speaker:yeah I'm assuming so
Speaker:cause they offered the right to that gentleman
Speaker:and they didn't they don't say it rude
Speaker:I mean
Speaker:it's like teenagers who haven't had another job usually
Speaker:oh good
Speaker:so you would think that they would be like
Speaker:get out and they're immature no
Speaker:they're very respectful and they're just like
Speaker:I'm sorry you exceeded it
Speaker:you can go solo or you can go back well
Speaker:that's good they're nice like sir
Speaker:I'm very sorry uh
Speaker:you're unable to go on the right at this time
Speaker:but the good news is you've gotten the high score
Speaker:if you'd like to put your initial initials
Speaker:into this machine uh
Speaker:we'll get a price for you inside that job very fast
Speaker:yeah I would have trouble
Speaker:why feel bad for those guys want me
Speaker:at least I got the big pod and they can all go
Speaker:but certain things are important about your weight
Speaker:being accurate like the airplane or the
Speaker:the water slide they're not being jerks
Speaker:no and it goes the other way too
Speaker:like with with children
Speaker:if they're really low weight or they're short
Speaker:they're like you don't have enough weight for this ride
Speaker:it's dangerous
Speaker:you can't be on like certain carnival rides and stuff
Speaker:you know amusement parks
Speaker:so I don't think it's it's not being mean
Speaker:I think it's
Speaker:it's very important problem is so many people lie
Speaker:I've never been to another place
Speaker:that actually makes you get on a scale though yeah
Speaker:that's crazy
Speaker:that's crazy um
Speaker:I think I don't even think we should get into it
Speaker:but there is this whole movement of people
Speaker:that are going to say I'm healthy at any weight
Speaker:it's not true you should change your slide
Speaker:so that I can go on your slide
Speaker:this is not fair
Speaker:even if we're trying to like save a person's life
Speaker:or you don't want him to go flipping off the slide
Speaker:there are absolutely
Speaker:people that are gonna be super upset about Ali
Speaker:two times at high either but
Speaker:there are certain things we can't do
Speaker:because of our weight
Speaker:I can't be a ballet dancer because the other way yeah
Speaker:you can't it's a
Speaker:but people wanna take it personally
Speaker:well I have a big problem with that
Speaker:all physicians do
Speaker:I have to phrase things very delicately
Speaker:and I'll even say it on here
Speaker:I don't wanna get hate for it
Speaker:I do respect everyone's autonomy and their choices
Speaker:sure that's their life
Speaker:but if you come to me with a health related question
Speaker:and you say how can I get better
Speaker:yeah if you're morbidly obese
Speaker:it is irresponsible of a physician to say
Speaker:you're beautiful at any weight
Speaker:you're healthy at any weight yep
Speaker:that is frustrating to me
Speaker:you do have to have some true
Speaker:if I can't say it who can seriously
Speaker:if I can't say it I'm not fat shaming
Speaker:body shaming
Speaker:anybody in a fitting room or in a water park
Speaker:I'm not you do you
Speaker:but if you come to a doctor and you get offended
Speaker:because they say you need to lose weight
Speaker:if they say hey
Speaker:and they call you names and belittle you
Speaker:sure but if they're polite and they say listen
Speaker:every extra pound by the way
Speaker:your heart has to pump harder
Speaker:to supply that whole pound of tissue
Speaker:that's more blood vessels
Speaker:that's more pressure
Speaker:to supply the whole body with oxygen
Speaker:and blood and nutrients that you need
Speaker:it's a fact so if you're morbidly obese
Speaker:are you going to have cardiac related problems
Speaker:more than likely yes
Speaker:and are you gonna have them right now
Speaker:no I know this is uncomfortable topic
Speaker:but I'm not done talking
Speaker:I've gotten people who have called in and yelled at me
Speaker:and said I was disrespectful
Speaker:because their medical chart said obese
Speaker:and I said to that isn't it a medical term is an obese
Speaker:yeah it's based on your body mass index
Speaker:yeah
Speaker:so it didn't say 25 or higher or something overweight
Speaker:and I can't change that
Speaker:right
Speaker:but I've had people actually yell and leave my practice
Speaker:and say
Speaker:I'm not staying unless you delete it from my chart
Speaker:I go I can't why
Speaker:that is important for us to discuss
Speaker:so I'm out of here where's the biggest exit
Speaker:no you can have tact and also candor
Speaker:yeah I agree
Speaker:I just think um
Speaker:but I'm impressed with patients who take my advice
Speaker:and get healthy course
Speaker:see the positive benefits
Speaker:and I also realize obesity is a big struggle
Speaker:and it's not something to throw shade at
Speaker:but yeah and it pisses me off
Speaker:I've actually got a lot of shade from
Speaker:it'd be different if it was a bank teller
Speaker:which like I'm not gonna help you
Speaker:because I don't like the way you look sure
Speaker:but if it's your physician
Speaker:who honestly cares about your lung capacity yeah
Speaker:let him talk sometimes big people throw a lot of shade
Speaker:see that's messed up no
Speaker:me and my friend were at the beach once
Speaker:that's don't even finish that one
Speaker:yeah I think I can
Speaker:I mean I completely agree with you
Speaker:if they're at the doctor they're asking for your advice
Speaker:if you're walking on the street
Speaker:even as a doctor you wouldn't say hey
Speaker:lose some weight
Speaker:I do think the frustrating thing in the problem is
Speaker:obese person they know what the
Speaker:they know what to do they just can't
Speaker:it's really hard well
Speaker:but I talk about options medical weight loss
Speaker:surgical procedure that's true
Speaker:you provide more options diet plans
Speaker:nutritionists consultations
Speaker:I mean there's a lot of options out there sure
Speaker:so that's where you just have to start the discussion
Speaker:you know I worked at a medical weight loss clinic
Speaker:when I was in residency for a couple of months
Speaker:and it was hard for me because all of the doctors
Speaker:really practice what they preached
Speaker:which is good and bad right
Speaker:so they were extremely physically fit very
Speaker:very thin not unhealthily
Speaker:but on the very low end of a normal healthy scale
Speaker:yeah you had all these patients coming in
Speaker:with body image issues
Speaker:being told by someone who is eating
Speaker:500 calories a day sometimes like keto
Speaker:you're saying they were into 500 calories
Speaker:people were like
Speaker:I don't want to hear advice from someone who has it
Speaker:so easy yeah
Speaker:these beautiful people flipside
Speaker:do you want to take medical advice
Speaker:from a morbidly obese doctor
Speaker:who tells you need that you need to lose weight
Speaker:my my old doctor
Speaker:yeah was like up what
Speaker:the picture of death door
Speaker:and I remember every time you would say something
Speaker:I would just go I don't know
Speaker:I can't take you seriously
Speaker:like I had one time I told you and you
Speaker:I think you told me this happened to you once
Speaker:I had gotten in very good shape
Speaker:I was just like but really doing a lot of weightlifting
Speaker:like not as much peloton
Speaker:I was just trying to get like jacked for a while
Speaker:I don't know why and I went in there
Speaker:in that thing for the ladies
Speaker:more for myself honestly
Speaker:and some of the other guys at the gym
Speaker:first the dudes
Speaker:for the for the dudes for the dudes
Speaker:and I went in there and they told me I was obese
Speaker:cause of my BMI oh yeah
Speaker:body mass index
Speaker:I did that once to somebody and I felt so stupid
Speaker:you did you know what I did
Speaker:I I wanna swear I was so mad
Speaker:it made me so mad cause I was working so hard
Speaker:that the lady comes in and she goes
Speaker:doctors gonna put you on a weight loss program I go
Speaker:what are you talking about
Speaker:I go I I'm honest
Speaker:but I've never been in better shape
Speaker:like I wasn't ripped her but I was like 8 9% body fat
Speaker:yeah and he came in he was like buddy
Speaker:we could all stand those go pounds and I I flex my ass
Speaker:you rip your shirt
Speaker:I did you're like I go I have I go look at my yeah
Speaker:I go look at my hands
Speaker:and he goes and he goes mortified
Speaker:he goes I'm sorry
Speaker:I'm the one that need to lose weight
Speaker:that's what he said I've said that to people too
Speaker:so what happened with you
Speaker:so more the Ma goes beforehand and weighs them
Speaker:and gets their height and everything
Speaker:so that bmis in the computer
Speaker:before I even go in the room
Speaker:it turns it red if it's above
Speaker:if it's like 25 or higher
Speaker:so I see that it says he's obese so I'm like oh
Speaker:so I go in the room he's wearing a really baggy
Speaker:like sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants
Speaker:so I can't tell honestly couldn't tell
Speaker:so I'm doing a physical
Speaker:I go through everything and I'm like wow
Speaker:your labs are great all this stuff
Speaker:the only thing that I see
Speaker:your blood pressure is even healthy
Speaker:is your weight could probably go a little bit lower
Speaker:so for advice for the next year before I see you again
Speaker:what are you doing for like cardio and stuff
Speaker:because you could probably
Speaker:you know let's just get that number down a little bit
Speaker:and he just started laughing
Speaker:is he like a bodybuilder yes
Speaker:and I just looked out and I was like what
Speaker:I'm like your BMI and he's like
Speaker:I go to gym every day and he did this and I was like
Speaker:oh shit I'm so sorry I couldn't tell because yeah
Speaker:you looked chubby in your clothes
Speaker:cause they were so loose and I just
Speaker:but I had to call myself out and go dude
Speaker:we know myocites muscle cells right
Speaker:muscle tissue muscle weighs more than adipose tissue
Speaker:fat tissue right
Speaker:so like well done bravo
Speaker:you're being me
Speaker:but you might is high cause you have no body fat
Speaker:I'm sorry I need to
Speaker:I don't think I said I need to lose weight too
Speaker:but I said something like that
Speaker:I'm like you're in way better shape than me
Speaker:I do not need to talk right now
Speaker:you do but that's what I like about you
Speaker:or the way you practice medicine is
Speaker:I think there are that's a very extreme example
Speaker:but I also I think there's some doctors
Speaker:this still stick to the BMI thing without going
Speaker:there's these outliers
Speaker:where it doesn't really work for you
Speaker:this is for like regular Americans
Speaker:you need to find a different doctor
Speaker:not gonna give him my doctor
Speaker:well I think that there are so many things about
Speaker:like vibing with your patient too
Speaker:like I'm a very different doctor
Speaker:than a lot of other people out there yeah
Speaker:I've never knew age I I get loud
Speaker:I have fun I dance
Speaker:my patients do the same thing
Speaker:I want them to leave happier than when they came in
Speaker:and you do that you just have to vibe with them
Speaker:hey you were my doctor this weekend
Speaker:ahead of what did I do this real briefly
Speaker:I woke up I had gut felt laughing
Speaker:I just it's hard to be your doctor sometimes
Speaker:everything's okay now but I woke up
Speaker:I had to do the Gutfeld television show
Speaker:which involves having your face on TV sure
Speaker:it also involves writing jokes all day
Speaker:it's a bit of a hard day
Speaker:you write the jokes and you go on
Speaker:you wanna you wanna have a good face for TV
Speaker:have a good face I woke up
Speaker:not a good face not a good face
Speaker:one eye closed
Speaker:one eye one eye closed with I had a
Speaker:I had a pain
Speaker:a shooting pain in my upper left of my eyeball
Speaker:and I call you up and I go hey
Speaker:I don't want to alarm you
Speaker:but remember yesterday I could see her both eyes
Speaker:remember I could open both eyes nice and wide
Speaker:I got think something's going on
Speaker:and so you
Speaker:you ran me through a battery of tests
Speaker:or something like that right
Speaker:I don't know how we did it
Speaker:did we Facetime
Speaker:I tried to Facetime you and you wouldn't
Speaker:oh yeah
Speaker:topic for whole other day
Speaker:I looked so bad my eye was so messed up
Speaker:that even though we're in a very serious relationship
Speaker:I thought you might reconsider after seeing my face
Speaker:um
Speaker:might have reconsidering now the right call
Speaker:you didn't look good but like not like a judgmental way
Speaker:like it looked way more serious than I thought
Speaker:and it was worth some
Speaker:and we did have to zap it quickly
Speaker:with stuff to take the swelling down right yeah
Speaker:so we did stuff to take and
Speaker:I only have two little points here
Speaker:that I wanted to bring up
Speaker:and then we will wrap this up
Speaker:but I want tell you if you realize what happened
Speaker:it this morning went down
Speaker:Erica helped me makeup really helped
Speaker:you could kind of tell on Gutfeld
Speaker:I think we briefly mentioned it
Speaker:um I was surprised that Doctor
Speaker:Erica gave me I believe it was antihistamines
Speaker:and a Spider Man outfit no
Speaker:we decided it was a spider bite
Speaker:that would have been important information give you
Speaker:we think it's an insect bite
Speaker:but anyway
Speaker:I finished my Gutfeld dates
Speaker:the two nights everything goes pretty good
Speaker:I'm driving
Speaker:and I realize I'm having trouble reading signs
Speaker:not just exit signs but billboards
Speaker:very large lettering like the E on the vision chart
Speaker:I got nothing
Speaker:and I don't like to call you
Speaker:cause I know you're gonna be worried
Speaker:but I go this is like
Speaker:I can't see shit
Speaker:and I'm driving three hours in South Carolina
Speaker:to do these shows and so I call you up and I go
Speaker:I'm worried my my vision is very apparent
Speaker:and you're like is it the right eye
Speaker:is it the left eye and I'm not gonna explain anything
Speaker:so you got
Speaker:I confused you and you're getting irritated me
Speaker:and then um
Speaker:I go Eric I'm just worried about my vision and you go
Speaker:well if you have like an information or something
Speaker:obviously your vision might be bad in that eye
Speaker:you're gonna be fine and I was like
Speaker:I don't think I'm gonna be fine
Speaker:I was arguing with you I was worried about my eyesight
Speaker:and I wanted to go to an optometometrist
Speaker:or whatever they are ophthalmologist
Speaker:and then you said and then you said something like
Speaker:look in the rearview mirror
Speaker:and I look in the rearview mirror and you were like
Speaker:is your eyelid like occluding
Speaker:I don't know if that's the properties
Speaker:that word like your pupil
Speaker:like is it in the way your pupil
Speaker:and so I look in the rearview mirror
Speaker:and I noticed that
Speaker:my eyelid was actually in front of my pupil
Speaker:open your damn eye
Speaker:I went like this and that was a cure
Speaker:it got cured by going like that well
Speaker:that's why I asked you if it was like bilateral
Speaker:blurred vision or if his unilateral
Speaker:like it was the infected eye or both
Speaker:and you're like
Speaker:I don't know I don't know I can't see yeah
Speaker:next time maybe you could go hey
Speaker:is it one eye or both
Speaker:without all this fancy trying to fucking
Speaker:I did hide you from stuff by the way
Speaker:cause my eye looks ugly well
Speaker:remember I asked you if it was just like one lid
Speaker:or all the way around oh yeah
Speaker:stuff that circumferentials a lot more dangerous yeah
Speaker:see behind your eyeball
Speaker:did I ever tell you that once I got accused of a crime
Speaker:but they only had circumferential evidence
Speaker:which was not enough to convict
Speaker:you know I withheld scary some from you
Speaker:thank you like Tropano Somali ice what is it
Speaker:no I know this one okay
Speaker:I'm gonna look it up it's a piano somyosis
Speaker:it's called it's also called Chagas disease
Speaker:and there's a bug that bites people's eyes
Speaker:and it looks like what you have
Speaker:oh my God
Speaker:I didn't tell you very glad you didn't bring that up
Speaker:I didn't tell you because cause it might
Speaker:it's it's an extremely low likelihood
Speaker:because you weren't traveling
Speaker:in the areas where it's endemic
Speaker:it's usually like in southern hemisphere countries
Speaker:I don't wanna tell you this
Speaker:but it occurred when I was trying to get a really
Speaker:really further south than where we're located
Speaker:I was trying to get a really good look at a bug
Speaker:hold on I'm gonna pull it up what happened
Speaker:I'd seen a bug and I got to meet a closer look
Speaker:do you know why I even brought up this topic
Speaker:you're not gonna like this well
Speaker:now that I'm better I I'll tell you what
Speaker:when you hurt your eye
Speaker:and you can't see out of your eye
Speaker:you will never take your vision for granted ever again
Speaker:every day I wake up I go
Speaker:I cannot believe like even at my shows I go
Speaker:look at all these empty seats
Speaker:okay this is Chagas disease oh my God
Speaker:it looks just like what I have
Speaker:I know an infectious disease
Speaker:caused by a parasite found in the feces of the
Speaker:try to mean bug
Speaker:Chagas disease is common in places where the
Speaker:tree to mean bug transmit yikes yeah yeah
Speaker:but I need to tell you that
Speaker:cause you weren't recently in like
Speaker:Mexico or other warmer South America
Speaker:I don't know all the places Africa
Speaker:maybe it's not common in the US okay
Speaker:well so I had to look at the most common variables
Speaker:but you know you're missing a very important point
Speaker:before we wrap this up I'm missing a lot of points
Speaker:Erica
Speaker:what
Speaker:you're welcome for not telling you about that
Speaker:by the way
Speaker:I think you would have like lost sleep over that one
Speaker:what am I missing
Speaker:the other reason why your vision might have been
Speaker:all of a sudden jacked up
Speaker:is because somebody didn't follow the doctor's orders
Speaker:on how to take their pills
Speaker:oh yeah
Speaker:there were these five pills
Speaker:it's more than five and it says it's a staggerum
Speaker:there's more than five pills
Speaker:and I go you know
Speaker:be quicker if we just took them all
Speaker:that's not what you did what do you mean
Speaker:you said on the box
Speaker:it said take pills daily as directed or something
Speaker:yeah
Speaker:and then you open it up and it's like a bubble pack
Speaker:and there's written instructions under each bubble
Speaker:yeah but you didn't read that
Speaker:you just read the outside said
Speaker:take pills as directed daily
Speaker:and so you just took all of them
Speaker:this one time right
Speaker:raging like a mother hahaha
Speaker:this one time this is a true story
Speaker:I was really having trouble sleeping
Speaker:yeah and I said
Speaker:I feel like I need to take something and quiet my brain
Speaker:that I wouldn't normally do this
Speaker:and Erica said to me you can either take no no no
Speaker:no she said you could take and I'm gonna make up words
Speaker:she goes you could take no dose
Speaker:you could take this hydroxyzine
Speaker:you could take melatonin you could take this or this
Speaker:and you remember what word I didn't hear
Speaker:I didn't hear or and I go okay
Speaker:I was very
Speaker:I took everything you said I did not hear or and I go
Speaker:she said take other stuff
Speaker:I was very specific and then all day different options
Speaker:I was surprised that you survived the evening
Speaker:remember I didn't answer the phone
Speaker:and it's cause I took all these yeah
Speaker:you probably had severe respiratory depression
Speaker:is what happened
Speaker:you just used to slow down fucking rest no
Speaker:how about the time that you had a little blue pill
Speaker:not that one
Speaker:viagrass blue okay so people like reference that yeah
Speaker:yeah I'm not talking about that
Speaker:I'm familiar what's my little blue pill
Speaker:Ali versus unisome and you took the wrong freaking one
Speaker:I've done that more than once
Speaker:I have a loose I had loose unison and four months ago
Speaker:my leg hurts
Speaker:and you'd be like a unison and you be like
Speaker:I'm sleepy but at least it doesn't hurt anymore yeah
Speaker:that happened for for months
Speaker:I was taking a unison
Speaker:slap out of your hand and be like
Speaker:what are you take
Speaker:you're not taking the right thing total placebo
Speaker:you can't date a duck it's not placebo
Speaker:probably sedated you so much
Speaker:you couldn't feel anything
Speaker:so anyway
Speaker:keep your pills in your bottles for safety reasons
Speaker:and retake the day on instructions
Speaker:read the instructions I was afraid to ask
Speaker:coming up on the next episode of afraid to ask
Speaker:I've put breast implants in on someone
Speaker:and it was so scary because yeah
Speaker:it doesn't matter the size
Speaker:it matters the type of inflation yeah
Speaker:I tested a bunch out but I've never jeez
Speaker:just set you up for that one
Speaker:no but like the plastic surgeon handed it to me
Speaker:and I'm scrubbed it and he goes
Speaker:do not drop that that's like whatever
Speaker:how much money yeah
Speaker:and I was like dah
Speaker:so I'm like holding this
Speaker:you know what's Iron balloon is like a C probably and
Speaker:and we made a very small incision
Speaker:and then you had this stuff
Speaker:all of it in and I'm scared it's gonna like rupture
Speaker:of course or we're pushing really hard
Speaker:and the other side squeezes back out
Speaker:I'm like if this thing flies across the room I'm dead
Speaker:I'm dead yeah
Speaker:crazy isn't it the body amazing
